


Red Tulips

by ClownandMermaid



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Lesbian AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-04-26 23:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14412573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClownandMermaid/pseuds/ClownandMermaid
Summary: Adore suffered a memory loss after a traumatic accident. Bianca is the only one that can help her recovering her memories. ( Lesbian AU )





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello! I started writing this fic few days ago and posted it on tumblr (You can find me at the same username I used here) and decided to add it here too. I don't have a lot to say: it's gonna be 10 chapters (Unless I get any more ideas, but I doubt it) and it's settled in an AU where both Bianca and Adore are girls. Other queens will appear, but Adore, Bianca and Courtney are gonna be the main one.  
> Thanks to anyone that will read it and comment it, I hope you'll like it!

Adore was staring at the window, completely enamored with the way the sun hit the flowers on the little balcony her room had. It made the colors even brighter than they were on their own, the petals soft at the touch – she already knew it, she had been on the balcony all morning to draw them – and Adore felt like she could just stare at them the whole day without getting bored at all.

She would’ve stayed outside forever if it was possible, but miss Act, her nurse, told her it was best if after lunch she stayed inside.

 

 “You can go to the garden, miss Delano, but I can’t let you stay on the balcony alone”.

 

Said the blonde woman to her, making Adore pout for few seconds – it ended fast, but miss Act still managed to see her disappointment and smiled to her like asking for forgiveness.

 

“We have strict rules about this. You-“

 

“You can’t be left unsupervised. I know Courtney, you already told me that plenty of times.”

 

Adore interrupted her, with a defeated sigh. Miss Act – or Courtney, since she decided to call her by her first name while the nurse kept using her last name, which made Adore just feel uncomfortable since they were around the same age – was always with her when she wasn’t in any public room, something that happened quite often. Adore was usually easy going, or so she remembered – but since she was closed in the facility, she didn’t really want to socialize, especially not with other patients. She wasn’t like them, she didn’t have any kind of mental ilness, she was just... confused.

She didn’t remember anything of her life before waking up there, true, but she knew she had a life, probably people that loved her, a job, friends – maybe a cat even, she always wanted a cat called Nancy. The only thing that kept her going, at that point, was the idea that one day she’d finally gain back her memories and she’d be free to live whatever life she was living before ending up there.

Courtney smiled softly. Even if she tried hard to be professional, the two of them ended up talking about everything, and most of the times Adore felt like she was with a friend, and not a nurse. I mean, what kind of nurse would stroke her hair like she was doing in that moment, in some kind of maternal way?

 

“I’m sorry. Just be patient, I’m sure you’ll be out of here sooner than you think.”

 

“You always say that, day after day after day. It’s been two months, and the doctor said there hasn’t been any improvement.”

 

Courtney sat on the chair right in front of Adore’s as soon as she heard the defeat in the younger’s voice. She didn’t have a lot of time, the girl knew it – she heard Mrs Davis talking about something the blonde had to do that afternoon, even if she didn’t catch exactly what it was – and just the fact that she decided to sit down with her for the few free minutes she had, made Adore’s heart warm a bit.

She was so lucky to have a nurse that actually liked her; while most of them had been always nice to her, there was something about Courtney that just made her feel like she could trust the woman, and not only to go to the doctor every week or to remind her to take her meds, but also to talk about whatever she had in mind – from a movie they both watched to what kind of color Adore should dye her hair once she was out of there, to heavy topics like politics and such. Even if Adore didn’t know much about those, Courtney always helped her understand a lot of things and made her open her mind a lot more.

She always knew what would make Adore feel better. In that case, it was a hand on her shoulder and a smile. Courtneys smiles were always bright, sometimes even too much, but they always made Adore smile too because of how friendly they were.

 

“I can only imagine how tough it’s been, Adore- I mean, miss Delano. But you can’t give up! If you do, you lose any chance of getting better. I know it sounds silly, but hope and determination can do a lot for situations like this.”

 

Adore sighed. “I just wish it was easier. I’ve seen my mother in so many pictures and I still don’t remember anything about her.”

 

“We just have to find what will trigger your memory. We tried so many things, I’m sure we’re getting closer.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

It wasn’t enough to make her feel better, but it was difficult being negative when everything Courtney has been doing since they met was cheering her up and rooting for her. Yes, maybe there hasn’t been any improvement, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t going to be any at all, no? She had to believe that.

Miss Act got up, stroking her hair once more. Adore stopped paying attention to that weeks ago, even if it was still nice to have that kind of contact with someone. It made her feel appreciated, protected.

 

“I’m sure of it. I have to go now, so behave and stay here – or, if you want to get out, just tell miss Velour about it and go to the garden, all right?”

 

Adore nodded, smiling at the blonde nurse while she left the room. Maybe she could try and actually enjoy a day in the garden, even try to talk to other patients… maybe it could help her memory. At that point, she’d try everything to get out of there.

 

_____________________________________

 

Courtney sighed while parking her car. She could see the bars entrance from there, and she could’ve recognized Bianca’s silhouette from miles away. She was sitting at one of the tables, clearly waiting for her; unfortunately, between finishing her turn at the facility and changing into something that wasn’t her uniform, Courtney had been late to their meeting. She felt guilty: considering in what conditions her friend was, she should’ve been faster.

She entered the bar, waving her hand so that Bianca could see her. She got thinnier, and not in an healthy way. She clearly had eye bags, her hair wasn’t as healthy as usual, and even her makeup looked less polished than usual. It broke Courtney’s heart to see her that way; it had been months since last time she saw her friend smile and actually have a good time.

 

“You’re late.”

 

Bianca greeted her, without even looking up from her glass. Courtney and her used to drink a lot together, but now, with Bianca in those conditions, she couldn’t help but worry everytime she saw her with alcohol in her glass.

 

“I’m sorry, I ran late at work and, well, I didn’t want to show up in my uniform.”

 

Bianca simply nodded, tapping her nails on the glass for few seconds. Courtney wanted to ask how she was doing, but she already knew the answer. She simply stayed silent, like the last few meetings, the only time she spoke was to order something for herself.

They remained silent until Courtney got her glass, then Bianca spoke first.

 

“How is she?”

 

“Like last week. She still doesn’t remember anything, but she looks healthy. She’s impatient though, she can’t wait to finally remember everything and get out of there. She’s still the same Adore we both know.”

 

Bianca let out a little chuckle, but it wasn’t as cheerful as it used to when everything was fine. It was like, in the past few months, life had been sucked out of her.

 

“She’s never been good at waiting. One time the delivery guy was late with her pizza and as soon as he arrived she threw a tantrum that scared the poor boy.”

 

Courtney smiled without saying anything. It always felt like Bianca wasn’t talking to her everytime she spoke about Adore – it was more like she was just trying to remember how good the old days were. She didn’t want to interrupt her, so she simply took a sip from her glass.

Unfortunately, those meetings weren’t just to catch up, like they had always been before… and in a matter of minutes, the real reason of why Bianca still asked her to meet in the same bar, drinking the same drink, came out of her mouth.

 

“When can I see her?”

 

The blonde woman lost any kind of smile she had on her face before, and sighed heavily. It pained her, to give Bianca the same answer every week – and it hurt her when she had to see the same reaction everytime.

 

“I don’t know, B. The doctor still thinks it wouldn’t help her, it could either be an emotion too powerful for her or she could not remember you… and that wouldn’t be good for you-“

 

Bianca slammed her hand on the table, and Courtney winced at the sound. Few clients looked over at them, but she didn’t care: everything she could see, in that moment, were Bianca’s eyes on fire, like she was ready to punch her. She knew her friend would never do anything like that in normal circumstances… but these weren’t.

 

“It’s been months! Nothing has worked so far – not even seeing you everyday, and you’ve been her friend since she was a fucking baby! Maybe seeing me would make her remember something, maybe your stupid doctor isn’t as good as you all think, maybe-“

 

“Maybe you’d end up more hurt than you already are.”

 

Courtney snapped, even if with a calm and cold tone. Yelling against Bianca never helped, the only way to make her understand someone else’s point was to wait until she was calm and reasonable. She could see her friend’s point, probably in her shoes she would’ve asked the same thing… but Courtney trusted Bob, he’s always been nothing but kind with his patients, especially Adore. He also knew Bianca, to a certain degree, and he told Courtney multiple times she wasn’t emotionally stable enough to be able to handle Adore not remembering her even after seeing her. It hurt her to keep her friends apart, but it was the right thing to do.

Bianca was silent again. She emptied her glass, stared out of the window like a stubborn child… and then the mask broke. Courtney could see her lips trembling, while she kept torturing her hands, tense but with the most tired face she’s ever seen on her friend.

 

“I’m her wife. It’s not fair.”

 

Just at that point, hearing how broken her voice was, Courtney reached and held her hand. Bianca put up a little fight at first, but in the end she knew she needed someone to support her – and who better than Courtney, the one that was going through the same thing? Even if the blonde woman hid her pain better, Bianca knew she was hurt too by her friend’s memory loss, even if she managed to see her everyday. She couldn’t help but feel like she should’ve been the one at her side, she promised to keep her safe the same day they decided to get married… but no one would let her do it. They kept telling her that it was best that way, but she couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be better if they were apart, nothing was alright when she couldn’t be with Adore.

 

“It isn’t. I know it isn’t, but B… I’m not a doctor. As a nurse, I can give you some insight, but we have to trust Bob. He knows what he’s doing, and if he thinks both of you aren’t ready yet, we can’t do anything about it.”

 

Bianca sighed, holding Courtney’s hand with more energy. It was like she was drowning and had only her hand to count on.

 

“I miss her so much. Our place isn’t the same without her… I still wake up every night expecting to find her sleeping next to me, you know? Snoring like a damn train, and then refusing to believe she does.”

 

The older woman was smiling now. It was a sad smile, and Courtney could see her eyes getting watery, but decided to say nothing about it. Instead, she stroked the back of Bianca’s hand, trying to reassure her a bit.

 

“I miss her too. And I’m asking Bob every single day when you can see her… I will never stop fighting for her. Just trust me and his judgment, all right?”

 

Bianca nodded a little, furiously rubbing her eyes. She never liked crying in front of someone else, not even Courtney.

 

“I will talk to him as well.”

 

“Everything you wish, B. But please, try to understand he’s only doing what he thinks is best for both of you.”

 

“I can’t promise you that… but I will try.”

 

Courtney bit her lip, worried – not about what Bianca just said, but mostly because now she even looked more depressed. She wondered when was the last time she got a good night of sleep, if she was eating well, or if she was still going to work. Even if it was Adore, the one suffering a memory loss, Bianca was looking just as broken as her.

 

“Thank you. And you know that I still have a spare room if you don’t want to be alone, right?”

 

Bianca smiled softly at her, even if for just few seconds before shaking her head.

 

“I know, but that would only hurt more. Just… come here next week at the same hour?”

 

Courtney nodded, getting up so she could go around the table and hug her tight.

 

“Wouldn’t miss our little chats for anything in the world.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm glad to see that people liked the first chapter. I hope you'll like this one as well! I don't know when I'll upload the next one, I still have to write it and other things in the meantime - but I'll try to be as quick as possible. This is also longer than the first one, and I think all of the chapters will be as long as this.   
> Thank you all again! Lots of love xoxo

_Two months ago_

 

“Come on, spill it!”

 

“Remind me to never tell you I have a surprise for you.”

 

Adore pouted, grabbing Bianca’s arm and shaking it lightly. It took her few seconds to change her mind and actually start shaking it with her full force, making her wife almost tripping over. It was almost ridiculous how someone as strong willed as Bianca had such a tiny and fragile body, that made Adore always want to hug her and hold her.

She knew Bianca didn’t need any kind of protection, but whenever they were close she couldn’t help but think about how tiny she looked at her side and felt like she had to keep her safe. Adore even told her about it, and her wife just snorted and laughed. Even if Bianca always made fun of her for that feeling, the warmth in her smile told Adore a different story.

 

“At least a little hint, please?”

 

Bianca chuckled a bit, shaking her head, and that only made Adores pout even bigger. Sometimes she could get anything out of Bianca just with her doe eyes, while other times – especially when it came to things like not eating pizza two times in a week, or smoking less and so on – Adore could even start crying and her wife would just wait for her to stop acting like a child. This looked one of those times: Bianca wasn’t having it. Adore then sighed, leaning her head dramatically on Bianca’s shoulder.

 

“You’re the devil.”

 

“I get that a lot, love. Don’t worry, it won’t take much longer.”

 

They had been married for less than a year, and everyday Bianca would pull out stunts like this. She always tried to surprise her, which made Adore feel not only happy, but loved in a way she never felt before. She had been with different guys, girls, but no one made her feel safe and protected like Bianca did. Even in situations like this one, where Adore didn’t have a clue of what they were gonna do, she couldn’t help but trust the other woman. Whatever she had in mind, it was surely gonna be perfect.

It was late, very late for them. Despite the young age, after marrying Bianca, Adore found out that she preferred spending her time with her wife, watching a movie or drinking together on their couch, instead of going out clubbing like she did before. They still went out on the weekends, but it was very different from how Adore conducted her life before. There weren’t hangovers, she didn’t even remember when was the last time she ended up throwing up in the bathroom, and even when they drank they were more cautious if they weren’t home.

Usually, at that hour, they would’ve been on their couch, talking about their day at work, Adore leaning her head on Biancas shoulder while the older woman stroked her hair, and while she loved their little night time, she couldn’t help but feel excited at the idea of a little change. The only thing she knew, so far, was that they were walking towards their garage, so they probably had to drive somewhere.

Adores eyes immediately glanced at herself; she was wearing a simple tshirt and shorts, heavy makeup and her hair was all messy – she wouldn’t want to look like that if they were going on some kind of date, but if Bianca wasn’t worried about that – and she worried about everything all the time, even the most dumb things – then she felt like she could relax.

Bianca opened the door and let Adore into the garage. The flowers on the hood of the car were odd, but Adore didn’t care. Their relationship has always looked odd to other people; they were so different in a lot of ways, and yet managed to be perfectly functional together.

Bianca left her side just to take the flowers in her hands, and Adore saw a little envelope with them. She was even more curious now, but since whining didn’t help before, she decided to let the other woman do her thing at her own pace. She didn’t have to wait long anyway, because Bianca gave her the flowers immediately – and her smile grew even wider once she saw what kind of flowers her wife bought for her.

 

“Red tulips? Again?”

 

She wasn’t complaining; she liked them more than roses,, that were always used in a romantic context, but she didn’t really understand why Bianca, since they started dating, decided to always buy these flowers for her.

Her wife nodded, now holding only the envelope; as much as she wanted to know what was in it, Adore decided to focus on the flowers first. It wasn’t like Bianca never bought them for her, she always found an excuse to give her flowers, but Adore still felt butterflies in her stomach everytime she decided to surprise her in that way.

 

“It will always be red tulips, love. Do you know what they mean?”

 

Adore shook her head. As much as she liked flowers, she never really bothered learning their meanings. Bianca chuckled a bit, holding her hand again and rubbing the back of it with her fingers. Even after working all day with the sewing machine, her wife’s hands were soft – or maybe they were to her, she didn’t really care.

 

“They mean everlasting love. Why do you think I always buy them for you?”

 

Adore couldn’t help but blush a bit at the thought, with what was probably the dumbest smile she ever had printed on her face. It was quite funny how Bianca could come off as cold and mean to most of the people – to her too the first time they met – while she actually had one of the softest and romantic heart she ever met. Adore kissed her, tenderly, and whispered a “thank you” right against her lips.

 

“But you started giving me red tulips since our first date! Were you already in love with me? You’re so fucking cheesy.”

 

She couldn’t help but make fun of her at least a little bit, just to see her frown and snort in the most adorable way. Adore laughed, pinching her cheek, but Bianca wasn’t having it: she was clearly putting up an act, at the point where she let go of Adore’s hand and rolled her eyes.

 

“Well, I guess that someone’s not getting the real present tonight.”

 

Adores grin immediately faded, leaving her with a pout while she went back at pulling Biancas arm. She could see how hard the other woman was trying not to laugh at the childish act, especially once she tried to take the envelope from her hands.

 

“Give it to me, Bea! Come on, don’t be a bitch!”

 

The “fight” lasted less than one minute, because in the end Adore almost jumped on Bianca and the other woman couldn’t help but laugh, even if they were on the verge of falling down.

 

“All right, all right! As long as you don’t kill me.”

 

Bianca complained a bit, still laughing before giving her the envelope. Adore didn’t wait anymore, and opened it: there were two plane tickets in it, and the destination…

 

“The Maldives?! Bea, this is wonderful!”

 

She couldn’t help but look at her wife with happiness, excited at the idea of travelling. Since they got married, they didn’t really have the time to travel – except for the honeymoon – since both of them were busy with work. Bianca had to work on her clothing line, while Adore was working on her new album, and while she loved doing that, the stress that came with the deadline her boss never failed to remind her of. Bianca had so much to do as well, and unlike Adore, who knew when to stop to at least chill a bit, she came home late every day, almost falling asleep during dinner.

She hugged Bianca, and held her close like she always did. Adore was already thinking about all the things they would do, the places to visit… it was like a dream.

 

“I know we had a really stressful period, and I thought – I thought we could use some time alone and away from here.”

 

“That was a wonderful idea, I can’t wait for it! When?”

 

Biancas smile faltered a bit: she looked embarassed.

 

“… Tomorrow.”

 

Adores eyes widened, surprised. Now, this was something she wasn’t used to. Bianca always planned everything ahead of time, so that they could leave without any problem… and the fact that this time she decided to leave right after announcing their vacation was so weird that Adore couldn’t even process it.

 

“Tomorrow? But I have to tell my manager about any plans at least two weeks before-“

 

“Done.”

 

“And what about Nancy, Sammy and Dede?”

 

“They’re gonna stay with Courtney.”

 

There was a silent moment, in which Adore just looked at Bianca in disbelief and beyond happiness. They had a vacation planned AND it was gonna happen the day after? Fucking sign her up.

 

“You really thought this through, didn’t you?”

 

“Of course. I’m the smart one in this couple, I have to live up to my reputation!”

 

Bianca giggled when Adore hit her arm lightly at the joke, then kissed her one more time. If it wasn’t for Adore that pushed her away after a while, they’d probably end up kissing all night – and while it was always pleasant, she had other plans for the night.

 

“Now we go out and get a few drinks! I want to celebrate.”

 

“All right, but not too much celebrating, okay? We have an early flight tomorrow.”

 

Adore raised an eyebrow at her, not buying Biancas words for one second. Then, she lowered her voice, in her best imitation of her wife’s voice.

 

“Let’s get drunk little shit, we can sleep on the plane tomorrow! Isn’t this what you said last time?”

 

It was difficult to make Bianca blush, but whenever it happened Adore always felt powerful. She couldn’t help but grin, even if the other woman shrugged and, as always, talked back.

 

“I swear to God, it happened ONE time and you bring it up everytime I try and be responsible.”

 

Adore laughed and didn’t answer; she knew Bianca wouldn’t say no to a night out, and in a matter of seconds the older woman sighed and opened the car door for her. She squealed happily, giving her a little peck on the cheek to thank her, and immediately sat in the car.

In that moment, when they were driving in the night, singing to a stupid song Adore chose and laughing together, she felt invincible. Life was great: she had the job of her dreams, a wife that loved and respected her, friends that were always so supportive of her decisions, a mother that never let her down; it couldn’t be better. Her life was a fairy tale, but without happy ending – because this didn’t feel like an ending at all, it was just the beginning of another, beautiful adventure.

That was her last thought before everything was suddenly blurry. A strong light blinded her, the sound of Biancas scream and the screech of the tires filled her ears, and then there was nothing.

 

________________________________________

 

Bianca had no idea of what hour it was; it was surely late, very late, and usually she was already asleep at that point of the night, but that wasn’t the case. There was no way she could fall asleep in the hospital, not even after the doctor stopped checking on her and she was left in that ugly room alone.

She didn’t see the car arrive – hell, it was impossible. Whoever was in the other car was drunk, she heard the nurses talking about it, and about how that man was in a coma and chances were he wouldn’t wake up. She didn’t even feel bad for him: he deserved it, he deserved so much worse in her head. She wished she could’ve killed him herself, because meanwhile she managed to come out of the crash almost without wounds – few scratches, but nothing major – Adore was the one that had taken all the damages. She didn’t know anything about her wife’s conditions, but judging by the look of the doctor when she asked about her, they weren’t good at all.

Bianca felt guilty. Yes, maybe she wasn’t the one that caused the accident, but maybe if she didn’t try to avoid it turning the car like she did, Adore wouldn’t have been closed in a room full of nurses and doctors – a room she couldn’t see from there, but she managed to find out how critical her conditions were just by looking out of the little window on her door, where she could see the doctors coming and going through the corridor. She wished she could get up and at least be there, even if doctor Dujour told her no one was allowed in the room while Adore was under surgery, and yet she couldn’t help but feeling helpless there, lying in a stupid bed with a stupid needle in her stupid arm.

Bianca tried to focus on the tv: there was some kind of talk show going on and she didn’t give a shit about it, but she also knew she couldn’t do anything but wait, and waiting without trying to distract herself from the situation – as impossible as it sounded – was only worse.

The door opened after a while, and Bianca didn’t even bother looking at it to see who arrived. Since the doctors decided she was fine but she would’ve still needed to stay in there for one night, she had nurses coming in and out of the room constantly – for dinner, to check if everything was regular and so on. She didn’t expect at all to see Bonnie, Adore’s mother, to be there that soon and ready to hug her. It was what she needed: two familiar arms that would make her feel safe and warm. She closed her eyes, feeling like crying but not wanting to. Crying wouldn’t have helped at all, it would’ve only made her feel worse about the whole situation.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

No pleasantries, straight to the point. Bianca didn’t mind it; considering the situation, they weren’t needed at all. She nodded then, breaking the hug and rubbing her hands furiously on her eyes just to be sure she wouldn’t share a tear.

 

“Did you hear from your parents?”

 

“Yeah, mom called an hour ago. I told her I’m okay, I don’t want them to fly all over here in the middle of the night… she said they’ll take the first flight tomorrow.”

 

Bonnie sat down on the chair next to the bed. She was clearly shocked, her eyes were full of worry about her daughter, red probably because of the crying… and Bianca couldn’t help but hold her hand. Even if Bonnie wasn’t her mother, they grew quite close once she started dating Adore, at the point where she could go out for dinner with the woman and have fun.

 

“Did they tell you anything about Adore? I tried to ask the doctor when he checked up on me, but he didn’t say anything.”

 

The older woman shook her head, making Bianca sigh heavily while her heart started racing fast. If they didn’t even tell Adores mother about her conditions, what was going on? Was she that hurt? Bianca didn’t want to think about it, and apparently so did Bonnie.

 

“We can only wait and hope for the best. There’s nothing else we can do.”

 

She knew Bonnie was right, but that didn’t make it any less difficult. There was nothing more she wanted to do than scream and throw things at every nurse that came to check on her with a smile on their faces like they understood what she was going through. None of them did, or at least that’s what she wanted to think about. She didn’t want compassion or pity, she just wanted to know the truth.

In the end, Bianca managed to stay quiet for a little more before she decided she wouldn’t waste all night in a stupid bed. Bonnie, clearly tired after not only a long day at work but having to drive to Los Angeles in the middle of the night, ended up falling asleep on the chair, so she decided to get up as soon as she heard the other woman snoring lightly. She then got up, gritting her teeth when she took the little tube in her arm out, and then took few steps to be sure she was ready to walk. The meds had made her more weak, but that wasn’t gonna stop her.

Bianca managed to go through the hallway, but as soon as she reached the room where they were operating on Adore, a nurse stopped her.

 

“Miss, you can’t go in there.”

 

“I’ve been waiting for news for hours, and all I got was a ‘We don’t know yet’. When will you let me see my wife?!”

 

The woman wasn’t having it. She was the only thing between the door and Bianca, and she almost thought about pushing her and getting in with violence, if it was necessary. She had all the rights to see Adore, she thought, but the nurse wasn’t on the same page as her.

 

“The operation is going on right now. It’s too delicate, we can’t let anyone—”

 

“Well, you will let ME in. I don’t care what you say, what I know is that my wife has been lying on a goddamn operating table for hours and I didn’t get to hear about her conditions at all! If I can’t make any of you assholes talk, I will find out by myself, even if I have to punch you or the doctor or whoever tries to get in my way.”

 

She didn’t realize she had raised her voice until she saw other nurses and a few guards looking at them, the latter ready to intervene if she actually did what she just said. The nurse, smaller than her, still didn’t show any fear. She was used to scenes like this one, so she raised a hand to tell the guards to not intervene.

She was loud enough to wake up Bonnie, apparently, since Bianca saw the woman coming out of the room, confused.

 

“Bianca, you’re supposed to rest.”

 

“I don’t care. I will rest once they tell me what’s going on, why is this surgery taking so long and when I can see her.”

 

Before she could add anything else, the doctor came out of the room. Doctor Dujour was tired and worried, and Bianca’s heart sank just thinking something was going bad in the room. She already thought so, since Adore had been under surgery for hours now, but was it that bad?

 

“I suspect your Adore Delano’s wife?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Finally, someone to give her answers! It was about damn time, she thought, even if they were bad. It was better than not getting anything.

 

“And I’m her mother. How is my baby?”

 

Bonnie asked, a hand already on Bianca’s shoulder: they needed to sustain eachother at that point.

 

“She slammed her head pretty hard and the skull broke and so did her nose. She lost a lot of blood after the crashing, but thankfully now she’s stable. I know you both wish to see her, but I can’t allow it now. As soon as we set her in a room and she wakes up, I will call you both. Deal?”

 

It wasn’t what Bianca wanted. She wanted to get in that damn room and see Adore for herself, even in those conditions, touching her hand like she wanted to make sure she was real and still alive with her own eyes, but the relief of finding out she was okay was enough for now.

So, she simply nodded – and so did Bonnie.

 

“Just be sure to call me as soon as she’s out, please?”

 

“I will. You two should rest now.”

 

 

_Present day._

They didn’t called her in an hour, not in two or even three. Bianca still remembered how anxious she felt every minute in her room, waiting to be able to see Adore, the pain when the doctor only called Bonnie and the rage when the woman came back and told her she couldn’t see her wife. Apparently, Adore didn’t remember her own mother, and as soon as they tried to tell her who she was and who else was waiting for her, Adore hyperventilated and the doctor decided it wasn’t safe to let anyone she knew near her.

Another doctor told Bianca she was free to go the next morning, and for days she didn’t get to see Adore not even for a minute. She was still not stable enough for the doctors, but she hoped it was something that would’ve ended in a few days.

She was wrong.

It had been months since the last time she saw her wife’s smile, since she was able to hold her in her sleep, to hear her voice around the house getting a little higher everytime she met either the cat or one of their two dogs – and for Bianca, that was a nightmare.

It wasn’t something she could actually explain to anyone else – only Courtney understood her about that topic, but even with her, Bianca didn’t feel comfortable at all. It was too deep, too personal, and she never liked showing that side of her to other people.

In her mind, though, it was quite obvious. Since she moved to Los Angeles to pursue her career as a fashion designer, she had always felt like she was stuck. Yes, she loved her job and there was nothing more she liked than working on a new gown, she had friends to go out with on the weekends to get wasted and from time to time she managed to go back and see her family – but everyday felt the same, like she was stuck in time. She never really understood why, what she was doing wrong, until Adore came into her life and unfroze everything.

Suddenly the world was moving again, Bianca was moving again, the colors looked brighter and everything looked beautiful. She had always been a cynic, loving to talk shit about love and everything related to it, but once she had found Adore, she couldn’t help but think that maybe she was just one of those bitter and envious people because she never cared so much about anyone in her life before.

And now that Adore wasn’t with her the world was stuck again. The only thing she cared about was seeing her again, but she tired to wait: Bob, the doctor that ran the facility where Adore had been transferred as soon as the doctors made her take all the necessary exams, had been very clear with her: while Adore’s body was recovering well, her mind was still fragile. They had to be careful, they couldn’t just throw her into a life she didn’t recognize – and that was why Courtney was assigned as her personal nurse. They had hoped that Adore would’ve recognized her after spending their whole lives living next to eachother, but that didn’t work. Courtney was hurt, yes, but she knew that it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Knowing that at least Courtney was able to be at her side and tell her more about Adore’s situation made Bianca feel better for a while, but that wasn’t enough anymore.

That was why that day she decided she didn’t give a shit about what Courtney or anyone else would say. She didn’t want to make things worse, she wasn’t planning on telling Adore who she was, she just wanted to see her for at least a minute. If it would’ve helped, she would’ve said she was simply a friend of Courtney, leaving aside the whole marriage thing. A part of her still hoped that Adore, as soon as she’d see her, was gonna remember everything… she could already picture the whole scene, with both of them crying and hugging like in a silly rom-com.

She just managed to get into the facility before seeing Courtney looking at her in disbelief, just a second before she started walking fast towards her.

 

“What are you doing here? Are you crazy?”

 

Courtney was whispering, but Bianca could still hear how pissed off and scared she was. Not like that made her change her mind: she was gonna see Adore that day, no matter what.

 

“I’m tired of waiting. I don’t want to do anything weird, I just want to see her!”

 

“The doctor told you that you can’t!”

 

“I’m not gonna throw myself at her and cry like a little bitch, can you calm down? I won’t tell her anything just- please.”

 

Courtney opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted once a taller man arrived. Bob looked even more huge than last time, especially next to Courtney and Bianca; that didn’t intimidate the latter, anyway, that now was even more impatient and almost excited just thinking about the fact that Adore was just few meters away.

 

“Bianca, you know you shouldn’t be here.”

 

Bobs voice was low as usual, maybe a little more because he was clearly worried. If there was one thing people couldn’t say about him, was that he didn’t care about his patients and their well beings. Bianca sighed and rolled her eyes in response; she was tired to hear what she was supposed or not supposed to do. She understood their point of view, but since Adore didn’t remember anything yet, after two months, she couldn’t help but feel like she needed to do something to help her wife.

 

“I don’t care anymore. If the problem is telling her I’m her wife, I won’t.”

 

“As strong as you think you are, I don’t think it would be of any help for you to see her in these conditions.”

 

“So I’m supposed to not see her at all until she starts remember something?! What if that never happens then? Am I supposed to completely vanish from her life? I won’t allow it!”

 

Bob tried to lay his hand on the woman’s shoulder, but she shrugged it off violently. She was tired, done with all that shit. The last time she let a doctor talk her out of seeing Adore, she was then left in a hospital room and then almost kicked out of it. The only reason she didn’t try to legally persecute the hospital was because they all told her it was for Adore’s sake, but now she was doubting it.

 

“Don’t try to talk me out of this. I’m sick of being left in the darkness, I want to see her and talk to her!”

 

“Courtney, can we go—what’s going on here?”

 

Bianca had raised her voice just a second before, but as soon as she heard the familiar voice of her wife, she went silent. Her eyes were quickly drawn to her, and it was like seeing Adore for the first time all over again.

She looked good, her hair was slightly shorter and her nose had something different since last time – probably because it had broke – but she was still her Adore. Her green eyes were still the same, bright and full of life, even if in that moment she looked more confused than anything else.

Everyone was frozen. Bob and Courtney didn’t know what to do, but before they managed to snap out of it, Adore locked eyes with Bianca. Her heart stopped: that was it. That was the moment she had waited for, the only thing she kept thinking about since the accident. She wanted to hug her, kiss her and hold her close; Adore was safe, healthy, and finally with her.

 

“Do I know you?”

 

Bianca didn’t think it would’ve been so painful to see Adore looking at her confused, like she had never seen her before… but for a second, she was sure she heard her own heart falling into tiny little pieces. The world was still frozen, as the person she had married less than a year ago didn’t even smile at her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! The third chapter is finally here. I hope you all enjoy this one as well, all the comments and kudos you guys left really mean a lot to me!  
> Kisses xoxoxo

For a moment, no one moved or talked. Adore’s eyes wandered on the three people in front of her, confused by the way the two women looked at her - shocked, as if they were in front of a ghost. Bob, on the contrary, looked calm, but that wasn’t new. The doctor always looked like that.

Courtney was the one to break the silence.

 

“She’s- she’s just-”

 

“I’m Bianca.”

 

The blonde nurse closed her mouth, and Adore was sure she was glaring at the other one, that now was looking at her like she was waiting for something to happen. She blinked few times, even more confused than before. Maybe they met before, but nothing came to her mind - except that she was beautiful and that her eyes were full of pain. Adore tightened her lips, her heart feeling heavy as stone in her chest: somehow, she knew it was her fault if Bianca looked so miserable. She immediately felt the need to make her feeling better, so she smiled at her, hoping it would help a bit.

 

“I’m sorry, I had an accident few months ago and I don’t remember a lot. Do we know eachother from before?”

 

Bianca’s eyes looked only more broken after her words, and she immediately lost her smile. She didn’t know what she did wrong, but there was something for sure. The other woman sighed, then she lowered her shoulders like they were under the pressure of something too heavy for her to carry. She then looked at Courtney, and for few seconds Adore was sure that even if the two of them weren’t speaking, they were clearly saying something to one another just with their eyes. Adore couldn’t understand what was happening and it was getting on her nerves, but before she could talk, Courtney looked at her with a smile - it looked fake as hell to her, her eyes were still full of panic - and talked again.

 

“She’s the woman that brought you to the hospital when you had your accident. She’s been here once before, just to hear from us how you were doing, and she was too shy to come in and say hello. I told her you’d have been happy to see the person that saved your life, no?”

 

And even if the question was directed at her, Courtney’s eyes were once again on Bianca. It kinda looked like she was warning her, and whatever was going on was enough for the other woman to lift her shoulders again and even tried to smile a bit.

 

“Yeah, that’s me. You were in bad shape, and even if the doctors told me you were gonna be fine, I couldn’t help but worry. But now that I’ve seen that you’re okay - well, mostly at least - I suppose I should go…”

 

Adore immediately took a few steps to be closer to her and to grab the sleeve of her dress. She just had to listen to few words from both Bianca and Courtney to feel like she wanted to know more; so far she didn’t find any connection with her life before the accident, and now that she was able to finally meet the person that saved her, she wanted to show her the gratitude she deserved since she helped a complete stranger.

 

“Please, stay! I will never be able to repay you for what you did for me, miss Bianca - and not only for saving me, but for even worrying about my well being. Can we just, I don’t know, chat a bit?”

 

Her eyes went straight to Courtney and Bob at that point. She knew that if she wanted to stay a little while with someone that wasn’t part of the facility she had to ask them… and she hoped that, just by looking at her sad puppy eyes, they would’ve let her. The doctor sighed, already massaging one of his temples before simply nodding.

 

“If miss Del Rio would like to stay for a while, okay. But just for an hour, okay?”

 

Adore squealed and jumped for a second, earning a chuckle from Courtney and Bob - while Bianca looked shocked, slightly terrified… but then she smiled, and it was the first real smile she saw on the other woman’s lips since she arrived. It was a pretty smile, so bright Adore almost had to close her eyes - but it was probably just her impression.

 

“An hour is perfect! Is it okay for you too, miss Bianca? I mean, if you have some spare time…”

 

Adore’s voice went from high to low in a matter of seconds once she realized it wasn’t just her own choice, or the doctor’s. She immediately let go of Bianca’s sleeve once she realized she was still holding it, and took one step to get a little farther from her, just in case she was making her uncomfortable.

Bianca’s smile looked sweeter immediately after, and she couldn’t help but feel relieved. She was happy to be finally able to talk with someone that wasn’t a doctor, a nurse or another patient, even for few minutes.

 

“I have some free time, actually. I’d really like to chat a bit--”

 

“Good! This way!”

 

Adore didn’t let her finish and grabbed her from the sleeve again to guide her to the garden. It was the only place that didn’t look like a hospital, the only place where, she thought, someone that wasn’t used to being in places like that, would feel comfortable.

She could hear a slight chuckle coming from the woman behind her, but in that moment she didn’t pay too much attention to it. She was simply happy, even enthusiastic, something she hadn’t been since she woke up in there.

They sat on a bench right in front of the fountain that was at the centre of the garden. Taking care of the plants and the flowers was one of the activities the facility offered to their patients, and while Adore preferred just drawing them, she also didn’t mind taking care of them. It could be quite relaxing, easily one of the things that helped to calm her down when she was mad about something.

 

“I will never be able to repay you for what you did for me, miss Bianca.”

 

Adore said once they were both sitting down, holding Bianca’s hand. Her instinct told her to do so, and she just blamed it on her need of physical contact with anyone she felt some kind of connection with - Bianca didn’t seem to mind it, so she didn’t let go.

 

“You don’t have to repay me, really. I just… made a call. Anyone could’ve done that.”

 

“But you also came back to hear how I was doing, and you’re here once again. That’s not something everyone would’ve done! I really appreciate it.”

 

Bianca just smiled at her, even if she clearly looked a little embarrassed. For a while they both stayed silent, but Adore didn’t want to spend the only hour she had with her by awkwardly staring at the fountain. She looked at the other woman for a while, until her eyes found a ring on her left hand - a wedding ring. Adore immediately smiled, glancing at her once again.

 

“Oh, you’re married!”

 

“Uh? Oh- yes, I am.”

 

The older woman looked quite uncomfortable, but Adore decided to ask more. Now that she had found out something more about her savior, she wanted to hear everything about that detail of her life.

 

“How’s your husband?”

 

She then asked, and Bianca looked at her in disbelief. For few seconds Adore thought she had offended the other woman, but then she laughed loudly and everything was fine again.

 

“I’m actually married to a woman.”

 

Adore’s mouth opened, she almost felt her jaw falling on the ground - and then she blushed. She felt so stupid - she took for granted that Bianca was married to a man, but it was so dumb to think so.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry…”

 

“Don’t be, you didn’t know. She’s great by the way, an absolute delight. She’s the kind of person you can talk to all day and never get bored.”

 

“What’s her name?”

 

Bianca stayed silent for a while, like she was thinking about something - but it took her too little time for Adore to actually understand what was going on.

 

“Danielle. She’s an artist - she sings, mostly, but she also likes to paint when she has the time. We’ve been together for a long time, but I never grow tired of spending time with her. It’s not something I’m very used to, because I usually get bored easily, but she has just… something that’s always so endearing, even when she’s mad at me for something. Knowing that when I get home she’s there makes me so much happier everyday.”

 

The softness in Bianca’s voice, as she spoke of her wife, made Adore melt - and made her questioning if she had something like that before the accident. She didn’t remember anyone, but again, she didn’t even remember her own mother. It was frustrating, especially now that she had in front of her eyes the living proof of something sweet like the love Bianca clearly felt for Danielle. She couldn’t help but being even a little envious of it, but then she decided to let it go and simply enjoy the conversation, now that the other woman had started to talk a little more.

 

“Have you two been married for long?”

 

Bianca shook her head, her eyes looking at the ring on her hand. She was playing with it, and the way she kept moving it looked familiar to Adore. It was curious, but she simply assumed someone else she knew did that, and she probably had seen it before because of that.

 

“Less than a year, actually.”

 

Adore squealed then, letting Bianca’s hand go just so she could bring her legs up on the bench and hug them, placing her chin on her knees. She looked at Bianca with pure delight: she surely had a lot to say about the wedding, and Adore, as a hopeless romantic, couldn’t help but showering her with questions immediately after.

 

“How was the wedding? Where did you celebrate it? I bet it was a castle- oh, did you have horses? Oh my God, did you two have a princess wedding? Please, tell me everything!”

 

She surely sounded like a child that was trying to bribe their parents to buy them a toy, and while Adore had already received annoyed glances when she acted like that, from nurses and doctors, Bianca seemed to find it funny. She chuckled a little bit, finally looking at her and not at the ring.

 

“You really want to know everything?”

 

Adore just nodded, looking at her in anticipation.

 

 

  _10 months before_

  


“Bianca, just breathe.”

 

“I AM breathing.”

 

“Deep breaths! You’re too nervous. I checked everything before coming here, there won’t be any problems. Just relax.”

 

“You make it sound so fucking easy.”

 

Bianca let out a deep sigh, taking her eyes away from the mirror. She wasn’t worried about her look this time around - she designed her own wedding dress, and she was confident enough about her skills to know it was gonna be perfect for her, and even the hair and makeup were flawless. No, her appearance was the last thing on her mind: what if she was gonna fall in front of everyone? What if something happened and they were gonna be late? There were so many things that could go wrong, and just thinking about it made her heart race so fast she was sure everyone in her hotel room could hear it.

The worst thing was fearing that Adore could simply not show up. Of course, everyone had reassured her that it wasn’t gonna happen - the two of them had been together for so long, why would she run away now? But her nerves had the best of her, and Bianca kept seeing herself in front of the altar, alone, waiting for someone that would never come. After expressing that fear the first time, considering how everyone reacted, she simply decided to keep it to herself, but it was eating her from the inside. She knew there was nothing she could do to calm down, just wait a little more.

 

“Come on, you’re perfect. Get away from the mirror and let me check the zip.”

 

Raja interrupted her thoughts, getting up from her chair. She was one of her closest friends - one of the few, actually. They had been working together for years, since they were just graduated from college, and now they had their own atelier. Raja was always there for her, she was the one that saw her relationship with Adore blossom, ready to slap her if Bianca let her insecurities get the best of her - and there were a lot, when you’re dating a younger and prettier girl.

 

“I told you, it’s good. It fits perfectly, I don’t think it will break.”

 

“Yeah, well, I want to check it out anyway. Last time you tried it on you weren’t coming back from a visit to mommy Delano.”

 

Bianca raised an eyebrow, looking at Raja while the other woman went behind her back to check the zip. At that point she couldn’t see her, but she was sure her friend was smiling.

 

“Are you telling me that I put some weight on?”

 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

 

“Rude.”

 

Raja laughed, and Bianca found some kind of reassurance in that familiar sound. She felt her nerves calming at least a bit, and even if she was still shaken, at least she could smile a bit.

 

“Come on Raja, you know that’s not true.”

 

Jinkx chirped, deciding to join the conversation, stil sitting on the bed. She was reading a magazine just a minute before, and Bianca was sure she wasn’t even listening to them chatting - she never listened to anybody when she was busy reading, well, at least not usually. Bianca smiled at her, deciding then to keep the joke going at least for a while; she needed that, the usual back and forth with her friends.

 

“Yeah, Jinkxie’s right. You don’t tell a bride she’s fat the day of her marriage.”

 

Raja chuckled, letting go of the zip once she was sure it was perfect. Jinkx then stood up, right in front of Bianca, fixing her hair just one more time - the bride almost sighed, then decided to not complain about her friends worrying about every detail, since she was usually the same.

The redhead smiled softly at her; the hand that was fixing her hair slipped to her face in a gentle caress.

 

“Everything’s gonna be fine. Adore loves you, you love her… you’re just letting your paranoia get the best of you. In a couple of hours you’ll be married and all of this will look ridiculous.”

 

Bianca would’ve never described herself as a soft person, but she definitely needed someone like that in her life. Besides Adore, that let her open up more about her own feelings, Jinkx was one of the best at making her relax and look at the bright side of things. She just needed to smile once, and Bianca would feel better immediately.

This time was just like that. She felt the stress leaving her for a while, then she nodded and sighed heavily.

 

“I know. I can’t wait to go, at this point.”

 

“Are your parents on their way?”

 

Raja asked, and Bianca nodded once again. They promised her they would be the one to take her to the garden where Adore and her decided to celebrate the wedding, and looking at the clock on the wall, she knew they were gonna be there in a matter of minutes. They were never late - well, her mother at least. The woman was a control freak just like her daughter, and she would’ve never let her husband arrive late the day of her wedding.

It took less than ten minutes before they heard someone knocking on the door. Before she even realized it, Bianca was stuck in her mother’s embrace, so tight she almost couldn’t breathe.

 

“Mom, the dress-”

 

Mrs Del Rio immediately took a step back, her eyes already full of tears - great, she was already crying and they were still in her hotel room. Bianca could only imagine what a mess she was gonna be once they arrived on the location.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just- I’m so happy. You’re stunning.”

 

Her daughter smiled, kissing her cheek. Even if her mother and her had a rocky relationship when she came out, because she didn’t really understand, now she was one of her fiercest supporters. Seeing her so emotional about her wedding made Bianca emotional as well, but she did her best to stop the tears: she didn’t want to look like a raccoon even before the wedding.

 

“She’s right, you know. You’ve never looked so beautiful.”

 

Her father said, smiling briefly. He had always been a quiet man, and he never really complimented her a lot - especially not on her appearance… so, hearing something like that from him made her heart flutter for few seconds. Bianca smiled at him then, taking her father by the arm. She was so happy to be able to share that day with the people she loved the most, a day that she never thought would come.

 

“Thank you, both of you. Shall we go?”

  


________________________________

  


Once Bianca was on the altar, everything was even worse. She already knew she’d have to wait for Adore - the younger woman asked her, no begged her to let her have that moment, and she didn’t mind at the time, but now? Now she was almost shaking while she was waiting for her soon-to-be wife.

Everyone was chatting happily in front of her, and yet Bianca couldn’t help but feeling like they were all staring at her like they knew how nervous she was. She never liked showing any sign of weakness, so she tried her best to look calm, but as soon as Raja - who was standing right next to her, as her maid of honor - reached out to hold her hand, Bianca knew she was doing a terrible job.

 

“Relax. She’s gonna be here.”

 

Her friend whispered, making her let out a deep sigh. Rationally she knew Adore wouldn’t just run away, not after all the years together, but in that moment she was everything but rational.

Bianca didn’t know how much time had passed since she arrived, but it felt like forever. Once she heard the piano finally playing Here Comes The Bride, she was sure it had been at least an hour - but she didn’t care at that point, not when her eyes finally met Adore’s figure slowly walking towards her.

Adore was radiant. Bianca always told her how beautiful she was, but even she couldn’t believe her girlfriend could look even more stunning than usual - and yet, once she saw the other woman in her mermaid dress, her long curly hair dancing on her shoulders and a smile painted on her face that made her look more like an angel than a real person, Bianca was sure she was more beautiful than ever.

She never really understood why people would cry at a wedding - that in her eyes were all cheesy and cringy in their own way, but as soon as Bonnie placed Adore’s hand in hers, asking her to take care of her daughter, Bianca felt her eyes filling with tears.

 

“Hi.”

 

Adore said, shyly, while she positioned right in front of her. Bianca couldn’t help but smile; she didn’t want to cry, even if she knew she felt the tears in her eyes ready to slide down her cheeks. That was it: the moment she had been waiting for the last months, that made both her and Adore stressed and tired because they wanted everything to be perfect. The day was finally there, and it felt like a dream from which she was gonna wake up soon.

 

“You’re beautiful.”

 

Her voice was trembling, but Bianca didn’t care about it in that moment. Nothing was as important as the soft, embarrassed smile Adore flashed to her, or the way she was holding her hand, like she never wanted to break the contact.

 

“You’re not too bad yourself.”

 

She replied with a slight chuckle, that made Bianca laugh as well. That was everything she needed to finally stop being so nervous, and just at the right time, before the ceremony started.

It was difficult to focus on anything that wasn’t Adore. She hadn’t seen her fiancèe in two days, after all, and since she had been used to seeing her everyday of her life, it was almost painful being unable to hug her or rest her head on Adore’s shoulder, like she used to do everytime she was busy thinking. Now she was there, with her, they were finally promising eachother to be together for the rest of their lives, and everything Bianca could think of was how much she wanted to hold her closer, to kiss her and ask her how she had been doing in the two days before. Bianca could hear someone crying behind them, and she didn’t need to turn around to know it was probably her mother. Maybe Adore’s mother too, few friends - Jinkx for sure.

While she thought the whole ceremony was gonna be long and tedious, it actually flied so quickly she found herself placing the wedding ring on Adore’s hand sooner than she thought. They exchanged vows, written by them - and while Bianca had never been good at sentimental shit, Adore poured her soul into what she wrote, talking about how her whole life finally had a sense now that they were together, and how she felt like the little, illed tree that needed a support to grow healthy again and she found it in Bianca. It was difficult not to cry, at that point, especially when her voice cracked few times and Bianca tighten her grip on her hand, but she managed to keep it together.

It didn’t last long. Yes, her vows weren’t as sentimental - she cracked few jokes, making both her bride and the guests smile and laugh, but as soon as she was told she could kiss the bride - _her wife, her wife_ , she kept chanting in her mind - the tears started to fall down, and she managed to suppress a sob against Adore’s lips. At that point she didn’t give a shit about the makeup, not when she was finally holding her wife close to her, both smiling like never before, she didn’t care about the cheers from their families and friends… she just wanted to never let go of Adore, ever again.

  


______________________________________

  


After the ceremony, they had a lovely lunch in the garden. They choose that place because it was romantic, indeed, but not as predictable as a beach would’ve been. Bianca even proposed a castle, actually, but in the end Adore’s love for the flowers was the factor that made the couple go for the beautiful garden outside the city.

They both changed after the ceremony, preferring to wear short dresses to be able to move around without too much problems. After lunch, they danced a bit - it was quite embarrassing for Bianca, actually, that had never been a gracious dancer, but Adore made sure to lead her and to make her look like she knew what she was doing. They played games, Adore even danced with her brother’s kids, and at the end of the day, when the sun was starting to disappear behind the horizon, the celebrations were still going on.

The two of them, though, decided to take a walk. They didn’t have the chance to be alone, and that looked like the best time to finally have the time to talk at least a bit without anyone screaming in their directions.

 

“So? Was it everything you expected?”

 

Bianca asked, playing with Adore’s ring while they were walking near a rose bush. She almost wanted to get one, just to be cheesy and offer it to her wife, but she was sure it was prohibited. Adore nodded, the smile on her face that didn’t leave her the whole day - and Bianca hummed happily, knowing that she was pleased was the only thing that mattered.

 

“Even better. It was so fun, even if I don’t think I’ll ever let Courtney organize games ever again.”

 

They both laughed at the thought of how the blonde was clearly trying to embarass them, creating an entire quiz about their relationship filled with silly things they both did or say. At the end of the game they were both embarrassed to death, and Bianca decided to cut it short when Courtney was going to ask her about the one time she completely ruined a sketch because she was too busy talking with Adore on the phone and started drawing hearts instead of the dress she was making. That was definitely something Bianca didn’t want anyone to know, since she always bragged about how focused she was when she was working.

 

“At least it was fun. The most amazing wedding I’ve ever been to.”

 

Bianca said, while they both stopped. They were far enough from the celebrations that they could only hear the music from there, more soft than it would’ve sound if they were near, and they enjoyed the calm, while Bianca put her arm around Adore’s waist to hold her closer. Her wife sighed, her eyes closed for few seconds before looking at her. Her eyes were always bright, but that day they were shining like diamonds.

 

“Are you happy?”

 

“Are you kidding, Dorey? I’ve never been this happy.”

 

Adore laughed a bit, kissing her cheek.

 

“Good. Because you’re stuck with me now, Del Rio.”

 

Bianca couldn’t help but smile at the thought. She turned her head just in time to kiss her wife on her lips, lingering on them for few more seconds, then sighed. If she was stuck with her, she was definitely the luckiest person on Earth.

 

 

  _Present day_

  


Bianca was still telling Adore about their wedding - well, “Danielle” and hers - when she saw Courtney walking fast towards them, clearly worried. She just raised an eyebrow, then stopped talking until the nurse was in front of them. Adore was clearly confused by Courtney’s expression, but she didn’t have time to ask her about it because the blonde woman was already giving her the cold smile she always had when she was worried.

 

“Time’s up. I’m sorry, but miss Del Rio should go now.”

 

Bianca saw Adore’s eyes getting wider, surprised. She was surprised as well, actually: she was so immersed in her own story that she didn’t pay attention at the time that was passing fast.

 

“Already? But-”

 

“No buts. The doctor said an hour and an hour it is.”

 

Bianca nodded and tried to get up, but Adore’s hand was on her sleeve and was pulling her back. She wanted to chuckle so bad: it was a thing her wife always did when something was bothering her. Clearly, even with all the memories missing, she was the same woman she had fallen in love with.

She looked at her, only to be meet with two big, sad eyes, that made her want to hold her close and tell her everything was gonna be fine.

 

“Will you come back tomorrow? I still want to know more about you.”

 

“Of course I will.”

 

She answered even before thinking about it, and realizing that she wasn’t the only one that had to make that decision. Yes, she went there with all the intentions to be able to spend some time with Adore, but once she realized that she didn’t remember her at all, she almost wanted to flee and never come back. But now, after they talked for an entire hour, she felt like a coward. Maybe talking to her about all the things they did together would’ve helped her recover her memory sooner… surely, it didn’t look like it was hurting her in any way.

Courtney didn’t like it, though. She kept glaring at Bianca, but the woman ignored her for the moment. She just squeezed Adore’s hand and then finally got up.

 

“I’have to ask to the doctor if it’s okay, miss Delano. I’ll let you know as soon as possible.”

 

Courtney said, signing Bianca to follow her. The other woman waved her hand to Adore, that was still pouting, clearly disappointed. That made Bianca decide she’d do anything to get Bob to let her visit more: the only hour she had with her wasn’t enough for both of them, it was clear, so why wouldn’t she want and try to ask for more?

Bob was waiting for them in his office. He was looking at some papers on his desk when they got in, and he didn’t raise his glance from them until Bianca was sitting in front of him.

 

“So, how did it go?”

 

He asked then. Bianca shrugged: what was she supposed to say at this point? She didn’t want to tell what their conversation was about to no one, not even Courtney or Bob.

 

“It went well, I suppose. She doesn’t remember me at all, but she’s still the woman I married.”

 

Courtney sighed, placing her hand on Bianca’s shoulder; the look in her eyes made the older woman uncomfortable. She didn’t want to inspire pity, not even in her friends, not even in a situation like this.

 

“I heard what you two were talking about.”

 

Bianca immediately tensed. She could already see what she was going to say - how it was wrong of her to talk about their wedding, that memories that full of emotional baggage could be dangerous - so she stopped her from talking again.

 

“She doesn’t remember anything, as I said. She asked me if I was married and I made up a story about me being married to a girl named Danielle - yeah, like her neighbor when she was a kid, and the name didn’t trigger anything either. She just got curious and asked me about our wedding and I had to tell her something.”

 

“And she was calm?”

 

Bob asked, after being silent for a while. Bianca nodded, placing her hands held together on her lap, nervous. She wanted to see Adore again: she just had to be with her wife one hour to feel alive again, and maybe it was selfish, but considering how happy the other woman looked when they were talking, Bianca couldn’t help but hope that it was something good for both of them.

 

“Yes, she was. Just… just let me try, okay? Maybe it will do some good if I tell her stories about herself before the accident. Maybe something will make her remember about her family, her job… about me.”

 

Her voice became a whisper in the end of her sentence, her eyes looked down at her shoes. She felt so stupid, being so scared of hearing another no after months of “no”s, but she couldn’t help it. She heard Bob sighing, and Courtney’s grip on her shoulder getting a little stronger. She knew that the blonde didn’t want to make her unhappy, that she probably wanted her to meet Adore as much as Bianca wanted to… but she was also a nurse, and Adore’s best friend. She had to care about her well being before anything else… and Bianca wished she could’ve been that selfless.

 

“All right. You can come back and talk to her. We should try and see how it goes.”

 

Bianca’s face immediately lit up; she almost couldn’t believe she was hearing those exact words. It almost felt like the doctor was gonna make fun of her at any minute just for believing him.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, really. She seemed fine once she saw you, and since you told me she was fine even after you two talked, I don’t see why we shouldn’t try this way. Are you sure you’re fine with this? With not telling her who you really are?”

 

Bianca got up from her seat with a new energy. She took her purse, fixed her hair - and she felt so motivated after months of feeling lost and incomplete.

 

“Honestly? As long as I can be with her, I would even tell her I’m Courtney’s long lost sister.”

 

Courtney chuckled, clearly more relaxed now that she knew not only that Bianca was finally able to see Adore more, but that it could actually help her.

 

“Yeah, I bet she’d say you’re too ugly to be my sister.”

 

“Oh you’re gonna pay for this, miss Act.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, chapter four! I want to thank you all again for the Kudos and the comments, you're all so sweet with me! I hope you will like this chapter as well. Xoxo

It was usually difficult for Bianca to find free time during the week: the atelier she opened with Raja years before was well known in the city, and they always had a good amount of clients - from celebrities to dance schools, they didn’t turn down anyone. That meant not only that they’d have a good reputation, but also more work to do, that would translate into more hours spent sewing dresses. Adding the fact that everyone knew Bianca was a workaholic and that she was always worried about not finishing her work in time, it wasn’t a surprise that the she would see her own house only around dinner time, sometimes even later. 

She didn’t mind before, but once Adore moved in with her, she tried to make more time to spend with her. It took a lot of arguing before they found a way to make it work, but in the end they agreed that Bianca should’ve come home a little earlier and try to relax. 

After the accident, she broke the promise she made to Adore: it was painful being at home without her around, so Bianca simply decided to stay all the time in her atelier, finishing something for a client or working on personal projects - everything was okay, as long as she didn’t have to hear the sound of her own heart breaking everytime she realized Adore wasn’t gonna greet her at the door.

Now that she had the opportunity to visit her everyday, though, finding the time was easy. There was nothing more she wanted than to be at her side, and when she announced to Raja that she would work only till lunch from that day on, until Adore remembered something, her friend smiled. 

 

“Good. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything - you’ve always worked way too hard.”

 

And so it was; everyday, Bianca would get up, work till lunch, eat with Raja and then go straight to the facility to spend some time with Adore. At first it was an hour, but it developed then to two, even three from time to time - Courtney always had to almost drag her out of there, because once she started talking with Adore, she wasn’t able to stop. 

She wasn’t the only one to enjoy their talks: Adore was always waiting for her, excited like a puppy that was seeing her owner after hours, and everyday they would talk about whatever they had in mind. It wasn’t only about Bianca’s life, but art, even politics from time to time, whatever they felt like discussing. It was like getting to know Adore all over again: Bianca was worried that the person she had in front of her wasn’t her wife, but besides not having her memories, Adore was still the same person she fell in love with, and it was easy to forget all the bad things that had happened in the last two months when she heard her laugh.

 

“Wow, you’re late today. What happened?”

 

Courtney asked her once she saw Bianca entering the facility. She pointed at the bag she had in the other hand, with a smile; she wasn’t sure she was allowed to bring gifts to a patient, but she had to try.

 

“I decided to stop and buy something for Adore. Can I give it to her?”

 

The nurse looked inside and laughed a little before looking up at Bianca again, one of her eyebrows a little higher than the other one. 

 

“Cupcakes?”

 

“She loves them.”

 

“I’d have expected you to come in with some pizza. Anyway, yeah, you can bring them to her. She’s not sick physically, so she can eat pretty much everything.”

 

Courtney led her to the garden, where Adore was waiting for her. It easily became their spot; they tried to meet up in her room, or even in the hall where all the other patients received visits from their families, but they preferred the calm and tranquility of the garden more than anything else. 

And as usual, Adore was waiting for her on the bench. She was busy drawing something, but as soon as she heard their steps and she finally saw Bianca, she put down the pencil and smiled at her.

 

“You’re here! I was starting to worry you wouldn’t come today.”

 

Bianca, who had answered Adore’s smile with a little wave of her hand, immediately sat down and put the bag on her lap. She didn’t mean to take more time to buy the gift, and she especially didn’t want to make Adore worry, so she squeezed her shoulder for a few seconds. While they always ended up holding hands while they were talking or leaning on eachother, to Bianca it was always something that resetted the day after: she needed at least half an hour before feeling comfortable with every little sign of affection. 

 

“I’m sorry, the traffic was shit and I stopped to buy you something.”

 

Adore’s eyes shined even more than usual hearing that: she immediately took the bag from Bianca, excited like a baby; Bianca let her do it, chuckling a bit at the sight. 

 

“You got me a gift? You shouldn’t have-!”

 

“I wanted to. It’s not like you can go out alone to buy whatever you want, no?”

 

Adore didn’t waste any time: she opened the bag, and as soon as she saw the cupcakes, she chirped like a little bird. Bianca knew she liked them - not as much as she loved pizza, but whenever she was on her period Bianca had to buy her cupcakes. Then, they’d have to spend the night watching shitty romcoms and eating cupcakes while Adore was bawling her eyes out watching the movie - and while she always made fun of her wife for that, now she was missing every little part of their relationship, even those ones. 

 

“Oh, they look so good! Thank you so much, now I can blame you if I put some weight on.”

 

She didn’t waste any time and started eating one, offering another to Bianca that decided to accept only because she didn’t want to disappoint her. While they were eating, Adore didn’t waste any time: she asked Bianca about her day, and once she told her about how much work she had that morning she proceeded and told her about her morning in the facility. It was funny, especially because Adore could make everything interesting, even just drawing in front of a window. She complained about a girl at lunch that decided that pulling her hair was funnier than eating, and for a while they talked about it, or about the people that in the morning made Bianca angry at work. 

It was mostly clients that were impatient - it was something she couldn’t stand. Bianca was always as fast as possible with her work, but she wasn’t a witch, even if a lot of people liked to think she was, she didn’t have powers that would make her even faster. It wasn’t unusual for her to argue with some clients, but instead of ending with less people coming to her atelier, a lot of them came back as soon as they realized that she was already one of the fastest in the business - and she was honest, something not everyone could claim about themselves. 

 

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

 

Adore said suddenly, interrupting their conversation. Bianca waited, with a reassuring smile: whatever it was, it couldn’t be bad right? She was curious at that point. 

Adore took a few seconds to talk again, biting her lower lip nervously. 

 

“Your wife… is she okay with you coming here everyday?”

 

Bianca’s smile faltered a bit, but she did her best to look calm. While she knew that the whole wife story was necessary if she wanted to visit Adore, she felt a dagger pierce her chest everytime the other girl mentioned it. Bianca never liked to lie in general, and when it came to Adore it was even more painful. She didn’t want to betray her trust, and everytime she had to lie to her for any reason, she had to live with the guilt for hours, if not days. Usually she’d end up being honest with her, but this time that wasn’t an option. 

She kept smiling, then, patting the hand Adore had on her leg with affection. 

 

“Of course she is. We talked about this and she’s happy I found a new friend. I’m not really friendly usually.”

 

“You’re not? But you’re being nothing but kind to me.”

 

Bianca laughed a bit, trying to hide how nervous she was. It was like walking on eggshells: she wasn’t sure about what she could say without risking Adore to get suspicious. She decided to play it cool, with irony and sarcasm, defensive mechanisms she had always mastered.

 

“You can ask around, my reputation usually precedes me. I’m pretty sure I heard someone calling me Cruella De Vil.”

 

Adore laughed, poking her arm for few seconds. At least that made her laugh, even if Bianca wasn’t exactly kidding. 

 

“You can’t be that bad, come on! Or I wouldn’t like you and you wouldn’t even have a wife.”

 

Bianca tried not to smile too hard hearing Adore say that she liked her - it wasn’t unusual in their everyday life, but it was the first time since the accident that her wife said something like that to her. It was like living their relationship from the start all over again, with all the emotions of the first sweet words. 

 

“What does having a wife have to do with me being a bitch?”

 

“I mean, if you really were a bitch why would she agree to marry you in the first place? Besides, you two have been living together for almost a year now, I bet that if you were a cunt she would’ve kicked you out already.”

 

She wasn’t completely wrong; Adore always told her that she wasn’t really a bitch, and Bianca liked to say that she was just brutally honest. She knew she could hurt other people’s feelings, but it never came from a place of hate - at least when it came to criticism. She just wanted the people that she loved being the best versions of themselves, and the people that were in her life at that point had finally got it. 

There was something else, however, that she wanted to say.

 

“We’ve been living together for five years, actually.”

 

Adore’s eyes widened a bit, but then she smiled and crossed her legs on the bench like she always did when she wanted to hear a story from Bianca. The cupcakes were already finished, and the bag was forgotten on the ground. 

 

“Really? I thought she moved in when you two married. Or did you move in? Come on, tell me more!”

 

Bianca let out a chuckle, then finally decided to tell her everything she wanted to know.

  
  
  
  


_ Six years ago  _

  
  


It had been a wonderful night, one of the many they had together - which, in some way, scared Bianca. She had two relationships in her life before Adore, since she never really had the time for them, but one of the things she was sure of was that at some point she would end up fighting with her partner about everything. Her flaws, that at the beginning of the relationship were almost greeted with a loving smile, soon would end up being annoying, and the same way around about whoever she was dating at the time. 

With Adore, while they had their good number of arguments about a lot of things, at the end of the day they both cherished what they had and weren’t able to hold a grudge towards one another. It was the first time in her life that Bianca felt the need to soften her edges and find a way to make it work in any possible way. That was probably the scariest part for her, who would always talk about how she would never change for anyone - and it was often a topic of discussions with Raja, that after making fun of her few times about this, she understood that was something that really scared her. 

 

“You shouldn’t be scared of this, B. It’s not a bad thing.”

 

They were drinking wine together, one of the few nights they managed to find to get together and spend some time without thinking about work. Adore was out of town, visiting her mom, and Manila, Raja’s wife, was on the other side of the planet for work. They were at Raja’s place, and after laughing about a few weird clients they had that day, the conversation shifted on deeper stuff the more they drank. The wine was one of the few things that helped both of them being completely honest about their own feelings, as they discovered years before - and now it was a must, when they felt the need of talking about stuff like that. 

 

“You said it yourself, I’m changing. I shouldn’t change for someone, I should love them for what they are and being loved for what I am.”

 

Raja sighed, placing her glass on the table. They were serious about very few things, and that one was one of those - or so Bianca understood by the way her eyes softened while she was looking at her, like a mother watching over her child. She wanted to crack a joke and tell her she wasn’t old enough to be her mother, but once Raja held her hand, she wasn’t able to say anything else. She was scared, more scared than she had ever been in her whole life, and feeling a familiar hand on hers helped her nerves at least a little. 

 

“That’s a little naive. Yes, you love her for who she is and she loves you for who you are, but Bianca, every relationship needs both of you to change something. It’s just how it works, do you think Manila and I have the perfect marriage? No. We changed little things about ourselves that were hurting the other, and we work everyday on it, we choose eachother everyday. It can be tough from time to time, but it’s definitely worth it.”

 

Bianca wasn’t sure if she was gonna be able to do that - she was stubborn, and changing, while she managed to be versatile when it came to her work, had never been easy when it was about herself. She could see that she was different from the person she was years before, but it had been an unconscious change; this time around, she had to make an effort. She wanted to try, though, she really did - Adore was worth it. 

And that’s what led them to that date; they had been out for dinner, watched a movie and they were going to Adore’s place. It was part of their routine, just as it was kissing in the car for at least half an hour, until they both realized it wasn’t too comfortable. 

 

“Wanna come up?”

 

Adore whispered against her lips, just like any other time they went out together - and as usual, Bianca just nodded, following her girlfriend upstairs. They were kissing again as soon as they arrived, and while usually that would lead them immediately to the bedroom, this time she stopped, earning a confused look from Adore. The confusion rapidly became worry, once her eyes met Bianca’s, and her hands stopped wandering on her body just to hold her by her hips in a sweet and reassuring hug. 

 

“Bea, what’s wrong? You’ve been weird all night. Did something happen?”

 

Bianca sighed, trying to let out the stress. She was still scared to death, and she realized she probably will always be, at least until she was sure everything will work out. She was scared of how Adore was gonna react to her proposition, she was scared of how it will go from that moment on - but she had to take that step. After all, Adore and her had been dating for a year, the longest period in any kind of relationship Bianca had - and she wasn’t getting any younger. Maybe she was the right one, and when she sat her down to talk, holding her hands, she looked in her eyes and it felt right. She WAS the right one. 

 

“Nothing is wrong love, I just… wanted to ask you something.”

 

Adore’s face immediately lit up a bit, even if she still looked suspicious. She squeezed Bianca’s hands, trying to reassure her even if the other just told her everything was fine. 

 

“Ask away, don’t be afraid. I would never judge you.”

 

It was clear that she thought it was something big, even if she probably didn’t guess what Bianca actually wanted to talk about. It would’ve been easier if she did, but again, Bianca felt so nervous she was sure she looked like she had just seen a ghost. She took a deep breath, then, and she decided she would just ask her. There was no point in circling around the matter. 

 

“We’ve been together for quite some time now… and everything’s been great. Even better actually, our relationship is the best thing that ever happened to me and I treasure it with my whole heart. You know I had terrible experiences in love, and that I was terrified this would become one of those… but everything’s fine, perfect actually. And it made me realize how much I love you and how much I’m scared of it.”

 

Adore looked even more clueless now, and Bianca couldn’t really blame her. She wanted to be direct, but as she was looking into those beautiful green eyes, it was difficult to focus. 

 

“I don’t understand.. you like being with me but you’re scared?”

 

“I’m scared I will ruin this. I’m scared I will hurt you and you’ll end up hating me. But I realized that I want to love you and have you by my side more than anything else in the world, and my love is bigger than how scared I am.”

 

Bianca stopped talking for a second, snorting annoyed at her own words. She felt like a teenager, babbling words that probably made zero sense to Adore, but then she finally found the courage she was looking for the entire night. 

 

“And that’s why I wanted to ask you to move in with me.”

 

There was a moment of silent realization, before Adore looked at her surprised. Bianca almost laughed in front of her expression: her eyes were bigger than usual, her jaw looked like it was ready to roll on the floor - and she would make sure to make fun of the younger one day, because it was really difficult to make her speechless.

 

“You’re… you’re not joking, right?”

 

“Who do you think I am? Of course not! I would like you to move in with me, or I can move here, or we can look for a new place… and I know, maybe one year of dating is too little for a step like this, but-”

 

She was babbling again, nervous, but this time around Adore cut her off with a kiss - the most cliché way possible, but absolutely the best. She then giggled against her lips, and didn’t let her kiss her back because she was immediately hugging Bianca, so tight she was sure she was gonna die in her arms.

 

“Of course I want to, you silly! I never thought you would ask me, not this soon - but not because it’s too soon for me, I guessed you needed more time.. oh God, I can’t believe you actually asked me to live together!”

 

She was laughing at this point, a wild happiness printed on her face while she kissed Bianca again and again - and soon, their kisses became more heated. Bianca was finally feeling relieved, because everything went well and Adore didn’t judge her for that sudden decision. She could just enjoy the feeling of being loved and accepted, even if Adore’s hands were again on her body and it was difficult to focus. She bit her lip with a sly grin before she kissed her neck few times, Adore sighing and melting in her embrace. 

 

“You made me so happy, Dorey. I love you.”

 

She whispered against her skin. While she couldn’t see Adore’s face, she could feel the smile in her voice. 

 

“I love you too, and you made me definitely happier. I want to call my mom and tell her about this…”

 

Her voice broke when Bianca bit her neck, shivering a bit at the sensation. The older one chuckled a bit; she loved how sensitive Adore was. 

 

“Later. We have to celebrate now.”

 

Too bad that with ‘later’, what she actually meant was ‘tomorrow’.

  
  


______________________________________

  
  


Moving in was tiring, Bianca knew that already since she had changed house few times in her life: you have to collect everything, even things you haven’t seen in years, organize all of your things so you won’t have to search what you needed in every box you had, and it took days - or weeks - to finally be ready. 

Adore, in particular, had a lot of stuff. From guitars, to old vinyls, an amount of t-shirts almost embarrassing since some of them were even too short for her and so many mugs with pictures printed from cartoons Bianca had never seen, they’d probably need another cabinet in her kitchen to fit them all inside.. it took them a while before they could say everything was ready to be moved. They had decided to keep Bianca’s place: it was big enough for two people, it was near both of their workplaces, and after all they usually ended up spending more time there than in Adore’s place. It was already familiar to the younger woman, enough that she didn’t have any problem adjusting to live there. 

The real problem was dealing with all the boxes around the house: they kept working while moving and they had very little time to keep unboxing, and usually they managed only to go through one box per day - or less, if they were especially tired. 

It was stressful, especially for Bianca that was used to have everything under control: walking around the house to find boxes everywhere was annoying, but she did her best not to lash out at Adore for the mess, since it wasn’t her fault. Moving was simply messy, but thankfully they managed to unbox most of the things in two weeks.

 

“This is the last box!”

 

Announced Adore one day, entering the living room with it and placing it on the couch, where Bianca was sitting, busy drawing a new sketch. She closed her sketchbook, with a smile on her face while they opened the last box that would’ve finally put an end to the whole thing. 

 

“I can’t believe we managed to see the end of this hell!”

 

“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad…”

 

Bianca glanced at her, raising one of her eyebrows with a judging look.

 

“Baby, did you already forget my breakdown last Friday because I tripped over one of the boxes?”

 

Adore smiled, pinching lovingly one of Bianca’s cheek. She looked sad at her words, and Bianca was immediately worried. She always joked like this, but maybe her girlfriend was more sensitive about this topic for now. She then placed a hand on hers, making her lingering it on her cheek a little more - and smiled.

 

“It’s okay love. I’m happy you’re here and I’m happy I asked you to move in. From now on, everything will be good. Now, let’s see what we have here.”

 

It was a box full of memories, Bianca could immediately see: there were a bunch of photos, old music Adore wrote when she was younger, even some toys that she clearly cared about enough to take them with her after moving from Azusa. What caught Bianca’s attention, though, was a pile of letters left at the bottom of the box. Adore was too busy looking through the photos to notice her new discovery, at least until Bianca took one of the letters in her hands. 

 

“Hey, those are private!”

 

“It has my name on the envelope.”

 

Her voice was surprised when she read it. She didn’t understand what was going on: Adore never sent her any letter, or even mentioned it… they didn’t get separated for long, and even if they weren’t able to see eachother for a couple of days they would’ve talked on the phone at least. She opened it, curious; the letter had been written almost a year before. 

 

_ Dear Bianca,  _

_ Today you laughed for the first time. I mean, yeah you usually laugh when we’re together, but this laugh was so different! It was so loud and high, you sounded like a dolphin. You were embarrassed, but I didn’t understand why… it was so cute. It was the cutest sound I heard and I almost couldn’t hear it anymore at some point because of how hard my heart was pounding.  _

_ It’s funny, we’ve been dating for just a few months and yet I feel like I’ve known you for years. Mom always said it can happen, it’s when another soul resonates with yours so much you feel them connected. I can’t really explain it, I’ve never been good at this kind of shit, but it’s something deep okay? Just trust me on this one.  _

_ I feel like I don’t ever wanna let you go, you know? And I want to help you become a better human being, just like you’re doing to me, and this is so strange and new to me. I’ve never felt this way before… does this mean that I love you? Shit. Shit, I’m in love with you. Fuck. I don’t know what to do, I’ve never been in love. _

_ Damn you and your sweet laugh. _

 

Bianca’s heart was pounding in her chest while she was reading; this was something she would never expect to read. Adore had always been sweet and kind when they were dating, her emotions deep as the ocean, but this… this was an entire new level even for her. 

She tried to say something, but before she could say anything, Adore had taken away the letter. Her face was completely red while she tried to hide the letter, clearly embarrassed by her own feelings.

 

“You weren’t supposed to read this.”

 

“Why not? It was beautiful.”

 

Adore looked at her in disbelief; Bianca’s cheeks were red as well, but not for the embarrassment: she was happy, genuinely happy that Adore loved her that much to notice even the little details like her laugh and love them all. 

 

“It’s not too cheesy?”

 

The younger asked, still unsure. Bianca hugged her, holding her tight and kissing her head few times, incapable of containing her happiness. She knew Adore loved her, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t good to witness it in any kind of way.

 

“Cheesy? It was so beautiful. I love you so much…”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Adore’s voice was surprised, but happy nevertheless while she finally hugged her back. Bianca was now more sure than ever: she wanted to spend her whole life with her. She kept her close for a while, but then one of her hands was in the box again. 

 

“Let me read more!”

 

Adore’s screech was loud and funny when she tried to stop her girlfriend from reading more, red again on the face, but without the terror in her eyes.

 

“No, stop! That’s still private, bitch!”

  
  


_ Present day  _

  
  


“Did you read them all at the end?”

 

Adore asked, her head placed on Bianca’s lap while they talked. The more they saw eachother the more they grew comfortable with physical contact. Bianca played with her hair, just enjoying the fact that even if Adore didn’t remember her at all, she still liked to be close to her. Maybe her instinct told her she was safe with Bianca - she couldn’t know, but she was happy about it. 

She nodded then, with a smile remembering how that day went. 

 

“Yeah, she let me read them. They were all like the first one, and they were so cheesy! I still have them, when she’s far away for work and I’m not feeling well they always cheer me up.”

 

“That’s so sweet. I wish someone will be like this with me.”

 

Adore complained then, with a little pout that made her chuckle a bit. It was difficult to stop and not kiss her in that moment, but after weeks of holding back, she was getting better at ignoring that instinct.

 

“Maybe someone is already there and is waiting for you to get better.”

 

The other woman’s eyes were suddenly sad. Bianca didn’t like to see her sad, especially not when she was in such a delicate situation. She held her hand then, while still caressing her hair with the other one - she knew Adore liked it, it was always something that could calm her down. 

 

“I don’t think so, or they would’ve at least visit no?”

 

Bianca almost sighed hearing that: didn’t the doctors tell her why no one was allowed to visit her? That was stupid and irresponsible. Adore had all the rights to know about it - what good could it do to her to think that she had no one that wanted to see her, when in reality she was dearly missed by a lot of people?

 

“I’m sure there is a reason. I can’t believe that a cute girl like you doesn’t have anyone special in her life.”

 

Adore looked up at her, her cheeks suddenly red; Bianca had to bite her lips not to grin at her expression, shy but also clearly happy. Sometimes it felt like they were flirting like they did before they decided to date - it was cute, and kind of refreshing after months of sadness. 

 

“You think I’m cute?”

 

“Of course you are. Come on, you have to be aware of it.”

 

She giggled at Bianca’s answer, poking her stomach just a little. That’s the Adore she loved, the one that blushed at compliments even when she liked to act cocky. Bianca laughed a bit at her reaction; it was even more difficult not to kiss her, when she was being so adorable. 

 

“You’re too much sometimes.”

 

Adore declared, and they laughed about it a little more before Courtney arrived and told them it was time to go. Adore pouted a bit, getting up from Bianca’s lap just so she could hug the other woman, like a kid that didn’t want to let her favorite toy being taken away from her.

 

“Already? But…”

 

“I’ll be back tomorrow, as always. Don’t worry.”

 

Bianca assured her, holding her close for few seconds before breaking the contact and getting up from the bench. She wanted to kiss at least her cheek, but in front of Courtney she didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do. She could already hear the blonde scolding her because being so affectionate couldn’t be a good thing - Bianca didn’t agree with her, but everyone in that damn place had been so strict about what she could do when she was with Adore, and she didn’t want to blow her only chance to see her. 

 

“Promise?”

 

Adore asked, with the same puppy eyes that made her fall in love with the younger years ago. 

 

“I promise.”

  
  


_____________________________

  
  


As usual, Bianca was taken to Bob’s office as soon as her meeting with Adore was over. Seeing how happy the other was, in the last few days Bianca had been thinking about asking for more. She knew it was gonna be tough, even if she wanted to be positive: after all, so far Adore didn’t have any kind of breakdown or anything that could worry the doctors - they had been actually pretty pleased with how that was going, encouraging Bianca to show up everyday once they found out that her visits made Adore way happier and cheerful. Bianca wanted to slap them all since she’d been trying to see her for months without them even wanting to try and let her see her wife, but then she decided to not make a fuss about it and simply enjoy the possibility of being with her.

 

“So, how was today?”

 

Bob asked once she sat down in front of his desk; at that point they were pretty close, since Bianca had to talk to him everyday as well. He was a good man, even if he worried way too much in her eyes: maybe it came with the job. He clearly loved it and wanted to do his best when it came to his patients, and that was the only reason Bianca didn’t snap back at him too much when he tried to limit her visit to Adore.

 

“The usual. We talked a bit about how she’s been doing here and about my marriage as well. She seems to enjoy the stories about it.”

 

“Could it be because she remembers something?”

 

Bianca shrugged; she didn’t think Adore remembered anything at all about their marriage, even if she clearly looked interested in learning as much as possible about it. It was probably because she was an hopeless romantic and decided to treat all Bianca’s stories as a book, or a movie. 

 

“I don’t think so. But well, she acts like the Adore I married most of the times… I think that spending time together is helping to improve her mood at least. Courtney told me she’s definitely happier now…?”

 

Her eyes wandered to the nurse, standing a little behind her. Courtney simply nodded. 

 

“Yeah, she’s doing better. She tries to socialize with other patients as well, she’s more cheerful than before. I think that having something to look forward to everyday is really helping her.”

 

Bob smiled, his eyes still on Adore’s file while he wrote everything down. Just seeing his smile made Bianca breathe a little easier: she still didn’t talk about what she had in mind, she didn’t even mention she had an idea, but seeing how pleased the doctor was gave her more confidence: he would say yes. He had to. 

 

“Good. We can keep going like this and hoping it will help her memory at some point. Every little detail could trigger it.”

 

Bob said, closing the file and looking at Bianca - that knew she had to leave. Instead, she sat there and took a deep breath; it was all or nothing. 

 

“Actually, I had an idea.”

 

Bob’s face was confused, and while she couldn’t see Courtney behind her, she was sure her face was just the same. She didn’t let that stop her: she didn’t think she was asking too much, actually, she had been very patient with all of them for months. It was time they let her try more to help her wife. 

 

“I could take her out. She loves the ocean, we always go there for the holidays, it could help to trigger something.”

 

For a while, there was only silence; Bianca could feel the tension rising, even if it was probably only from her. Bob opened his mouth, ready to talk, but before he could do it Bianca felt Courtney’s hand on her shoulder, and when she raised her eyes on her friend’s face, she found a confident look on it. She was surprised: after all that had happened, she expected Courtney to be completely against the idea of letting Adore out of the facility. 

 

“If I can give my insight in this, doctor - before you say anything at all - I think it could work. Adore is improving, she’s interacting with other people, and while she still spends a lot of time drawing, it’s not the only thing she does now. Bianca is clearly helping, and I trust she would make sure Adore is fine and safe when they’re together.”

 

“So, you’re suggesting I leave a patient wander around without someone properly trained, miss Act? You have to know this isn’t something I can let her do.”

 

“I’ll go with them.”

 

Bob’s lips got thinner, while Bianca was simply astonished. She didn’t expect that turn of events, but a warmth spread throughout her chest: she had met Courtney only after she started dating Adore, and they clicked immediately. They grew really close in a matter of months, and now seeing her sticking up for her was enough to make her emotional - especially considering how careful Courtney had been with letting her near Adore. 

Bob sighed, looking defeated by the confidence Courtney had put in her words. Bianca’s hand found her way to place itself on Courtney’s. 

 

“All right. But you need to monitor her all the time and send me reports everyday, are we clear?”

 

Bianca’s face lit up: she was so happy she could kiss him, but instead she tightened her grip on Courtney’s hand, that was smiling as well. 

 

“Of course, you don’t need to worry. I’ll do my best.”

 

Bianca managed to only thank the doctor before heading out - and once she was out of the office she hugged Courtney, as tight as possible. She was thankful to her friend, because she was sure a little trip would help Adore - if not, at least they would have a good time. 

 

“I will never be able to repay you for this, really.”

 

Courtney hugged her back. It was nice, it was always nice when someone Bianca cared about showed her that kind of affection - and Courtney in that moment was the person she loved most out of her friends. 

 

“You don’t need to thank me. Let’s just make sure this trip is gonna be fun, okay?”

 

Bianca nodded while she kept smiling; she was confident she could do it. After all, she knew Adore better than she knew herself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long, but I had exams and other shit on! I hope you will all enjoy this chapter, I also raised the rating since there's a little of sex talk in this, even if it's just a mention :*

“Is everything ready?”

Adore glanced one last time around her room, just to make sure she didn’t forget anything - not like she had a lot with her in there, except for a few clothes and everything she needed to draw. She then looked at Courtney and nodded; the blonde wasn’t wearing her uniform for the first time since they met, her long hair free on her shoulders, a cute pink blouse and shorts that showed her tanned legs - it was almost weird to find out that Courtney actually had a cute style, since she was so used to seeing her in that boring dress. She also looked younger, which made Adore feel definitely more comfortable at the thought of having to travel with her.

“Yeah, I think I’ve got everything. Is Bianca here already?”

She asked then, unable to hide how excited she actually was. When Bianca told her she was gonna take her out of there for a few days, Adore couldn’t believe it: it had to be a joke, the doctors didn’t even allow her to see her own mother, why would they let her go out with someone that, besides how close she was getting to Adore, was a complete stranger? Courtney had told her that, since Bianca’s company was helping her a lot, Bob was inclined to let her out for a couple of days - as long as she had the nurse with her all the time. It was better than nothing, and besides, Adore enjoyed Courtney’s company. Once she was sure it wasn’t just a mean joke, she couldn’t help herself but hug both Bianca and Courtney before she started deciding what to bring with her.

It took Bianca a few days to organize the whole thing; her visits were shorter for a while, since she wanted to get everything ready for the trip, and while Adore didn’t like seeing her so little, she tried to be patient. When Bianca announced they were ready to go, Adore almost made her fall down, literally jumping in her arms. 

Now she was so happy she almost couldn’t wait anymore. Courtney and herself were waiting for Bianca at the entrance of the facility, and while the nurse was sitting comfortably, Adore was right in front of the window, like a puppy waiting for her owner. The only thing missed was a wagging tail. She heard Courtney chuckled after few minutes.

“Be patient, miss Delano. She’ll be here.”

Adore pouted, tapping her nails on the glass of the window with impatience. It was sunny outside, fortunately, and that was a relief for her: she was worried that they wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the few days off, and the thought of being finally able to leave for a few days just to end up not doing anything at all made her stay up all night. Now the only thing that worried her was if Bianca was really gonna show up; she couldn’t help but being on edge, and she was probably gonna feel like that until she saw the other woman. It was way too good to be real, surely something was gonna go wrong.. Bianca could’ve changed her mind, she could already picture Courtney and her waiting for hours, getting worried and in the end they would just find out Bianca had other things to do, or maybe she could end up in an accident… all the possibilities were filling her mind, until she saw a car parking right in front of the facility, and Bianca coming out of it.

A smile immediately found its rightful place on Adore’s lips when she squealed in happiness. She grabbed her suitcase, already running to the entrance - she even ignored Courtney’s call, as the woman asked her to slow down and wait for her, going straight out of the facility so fast that no one was able to stop her. Bianca was there, in a short red dress that softly embraced her figure - it was the most casual Adore ever saw her, since the other woman always came to visit her in a suit, probably coming to her right after work. She always looked beautiful, but there was something in seeing her with her long hair finally free and a peaceful vibe surrounding her, something that made Adore feel at ease. 

She didn’t waste any time: Bianca seemed surprised to see her outside and she opened her mouth to say something, but Adore was already in her arms, too happy to contain herself. She squealed again, then giggled like a teenager while hugging the woman as tight as possible, as if she could vanish if she stopped holding her. 

“You’re here!”

There was a surprised tone in her voice, that made Bianca laugh briefly. She could feel her hand patting her shoulder for a few seconds before she hugged her back, even if in an awkward way. Bianca was always a little weirded out with physical contact, but Adore quickly found out that it was just a facade, and that she only needed a few moments to get used to it.

“Of course I’m here, silly. Why do you sound so surprised?”

She asked her, rubbing Adore’s back gently for a few seconds before pushing her a little from her shoulder, so she could see her face. Adore shrugged, with an embarrassed smile: she didn’t want to sound stupid at best and ungrateful at worst, a possibility that could become reality very quickly if Bianca would find out that she actually thought it was all a big joke and that Adore didn’t trust her.

“I don’t know, it just… feels surreal.”

She simply said in the end, and since Bianca was now smiling at her with that softness that she always showed when they were together, Adore relaxed. She could finally just think about the trip, and nothing else.

Courtney finally arrived, letting out a deep sigh once she was near the other two. She glared at Adore, who giggled in response and broke the hug with Bianca. 

“You shouldn’t run out like that. You’re my responsibility, what if-”

“Oh come on, what could’ve happened? It was just for a few meters. Cut the nurse act, Courtney, it’s gonna be a vacation for you as well.”

Bianca answered before Adore could even open her mouth, and the way she talked to the nurse made her kind of suspicious. They never interacted much, at least not in front of her, but the way Bianca rolled her eyes and talked back to Courtney was way too familiar to be someone she only talked to when she was coming to visit her. Considering that Courtney, who was always nice and kind towards anyone, was not only now glaring at Bianca but she even pinched her arm, something was definitely weird between them.

She decided not to question it too much. After all, she was going away for a weekend, she didn’t care about anything else in the world.

“I’m still working, it’s not a vacation.”

“Yeah, whatever girl. Come on, hop in the car. It’s time to go.”

Bianca looked at Adore with her last words, and she didn’t need to add anything else. Adore sent her a kiss, then one to Courtney and got in the car, ready for the weekend to finally feel different from the last months she had spent there.

__

____________________________________________

__   
  


“So, where are we going?”

Adore asked after a while, looking out of the window. She could recognize some of the buildings she was seeing, even if she couldn’t point out when she went there - but it was an improvement that made her even more excited about the trip. Maybe it was really gonna do her some good.

“It’s a surprise. It’s gonna take a while anyway, so get comfortable.”

She looked at Bianca when she answered: the woman was driving, with her eyes fixated on the road and an amused smile that found its place on her face when she heard Adore’s dramatic sigh. She wasn’t really good at waiting, she would complain and whine till she finally had what she wanted, but this time it wasn’t gonna work. She pouted, looking in front of her with her arm crossed on her chest: it was a bummer, that Bianca wouldn’t even tell her where they were going. The things she had packed were useful in different places, so she wasn’t even able to get a hint while packing, so she tried to ask both of them questions about the vacation itself, but neither Bianca or Courtney gave her a hint. After a while she simply decided to give up and try to enjoy the ride.

It really took them a while to arrive: they didn’t stop to take a break, and Adore was worried Bianca was gonna get tired of driving for so long, but everytime she asked her if she was fine Bianca would look at her for a few seconds with the happiest expression she ever saw on her face, and tell her she was great. Adore could tell that she was enjoying the ride, and the little chat the three of them had going on in the meantime. Courtney, after half an hour of silence, found her way into the conversation and was now clearly at ease with them, cracking jokes and making both Bianca and Adore laugh. She was much more relaxed, and while Adore and her always chatted about a lot of things, the nurse never stopped reminding the both of them that she was working, and that they weren’t friends out for a drink. Now, the whole nurse-patient vibe was completely gone, and they were just enjoying themselves. 

“Here we are.”

When Bianca finally parked the car, Adore couldn’t believe they actually managed to arrive. She immediately hopped out of the car, looking around with excitement: the sun was warm, there was a little breeze making sure it won’t become too hot for her, and the smell of the ocean was so strong it made her head light for a few seconds. She felt almost at home, like she belonged there, in a place that looked completely out of time, where everyone on the street was looking happy and relaxed. No one was running around, trying to get somewhere faster, it was like they didn’t have any thought in the whole world.

“Oh my God, I can hear the waves even from here! Can we go to the beach like, now? Immediately? Pleeeease?”

Adore asked, already whining while pulling both of the women by their arms. She heard Bianca laughing and Courtney sighing, even if she had a smile on her face that was saying everything Adore needed to know. In the end, she decided to stop just because Courtney almost fell down - and that wouldn’t have been a good way to start their little vacation.

“All right, but we have to check into the hotel first and then buy you a swimsuit. Is that okay? Can you wait?”

Bianca asked with a mocking voice that made Adore snort and then give her a little punch on the arm that she was pulling a few seconds before. It was a part of Bianca that she got to know a while ago, once the older woman seemed more comfortable around her, and now she loved it. She loved when Bianca joked with her and even about her, because she could hear in her voice that whatever flaw she was pointing out in that moment, was also a flaw that she liked in Adore. She was blunt, but never mean, and she was so funny Adore almost peed herself multiple times in the last few weeks.

“I can wait mom, don’t worry. You can take your afternoon nap.”

Her words made both Bianca and Courtney laugh, even if the first one was pleased about her answer and the other was simply shocked. Adore was sure she was even gonna scold her, because there was no way her nurse was gonna let her talk like that to their guest, but instead Courtney gave her a little pat on the shoulder and nothing more. It was a relief, actually: Adore wanted nothing more but to be completely herself in the few days they had there, and clearly Courtney wasn’t gonna stop her.

“You little shit. Come on, let’s get in - I don’t want to hear you complaining like a baby because we’re wasting time.”

Bianca said, grabbing her luggage with one hand and Adore from her arm with the other. Adore followed her, with a huge smile on her face and an excited squeal that made its way out of her mouth: finally, life was starting to feel right again.

 

_________________________________________

__

Checking in didn’t take them too long, since they all agreed to just leave their packages in the room and go out shopping once Bianca and Courtney were done changing for the beach - but Adore didn’t think it would take them so much to find her a swimsuit. She didn’t care too much about the outfit itself, she was ready to get the first one that would fit her and just jump into the ocean, but Bianca had a different opinion on that.

It was probably funny to whoever saw the three of them in there: Bianca, busy looking through the different swimsuits, mumbling about what silhouette was better, what color would compliment Adore’s skin and other things neither her or Courtney could catch, Adore with her hands full of clothes already and the blonde, waiting for them at the door like a bored husband waiting for her wife and her daughter to be done with it. Adore was sure they were gonna be there for the whole day if it wasn’t for the fact that, after the fifth swimsuit she tried on, she decided to complain that she wanted to see the ocean and soon. In the end, she decided to buy a light blue bikini, mostly because there were different fish printed on it that were cute, at least to her. Courtney and Bianca just smiled when she announced that that one was her favorite, and once she was finally ready, they were directed to the beach. 

Once they arrived, the first thing Courtney did was to take off her dress just to show a purple bikini, and then she sat down, with an heavy sigh.

“I don’t know about you two, but I intend to stay here and get a tan.”

Bianca rolled her eyes, placing her bag on the sand. She was wearing a short red dress that really complimented her complexion, to the point Adore couldn’t help but stare at her… and she even caught herself wishing for her to take it off. It was just a passing thought, but she immediately felt her cheeks warming and guilt building in her stomach: she was drooling over a married woman. That was the shittiest thing she had ever done, probably - unless she killed someone in her life before. She didn’t want to think about it, so she decided to clear her throat to get their attention.

“Can I go into the water even if you stay here? I really want to swim.”

Courtney looked at her for few seconds, before pointing them on Bianca, a smirk on her face that confused Adore. Bianca, on the other hand, looked wary.

“What?”

The older woman asked, almost defensive. Adore didn’t question the kind of relationship the two had, but the more time they spent all together, the more she was sure they at least had to know each other - and probably Courtney knew something that made Bianca so aggressive, much more than she had ever been in front of her.

“Calm down, I was just gonna ask you to go with her. No need to be so defensive all the time.”

Courtney mumbled, and Bianca’s shoulders immediately relaxed. Yeah, they definitely knew each other - and Adore was gonna find out how they had met and everything else. She was curious, after all, and… a little suspicious. It was so odd to think that her nurse knew the woman that saved her life - but she didn’t want to make any kind of theory up before asking them.

"What a great nurse you are, lazily tanning all day instead of taking care of her patient. Alright, I’ll go with her - I was gonna do it anyway.”

Bianca replied, flashing a smile to Adore that immediately made her forget about everything else she was thinking before. She immediately took off the dress she wore over her bikini, Bianca doing the same thing and revealing a red swimsuit that matched her dress - she was stunning, Adore thought, but in her mind she always was no matter what.

“Fuck yeah! I have to warn you though, one of the few things I know for sure about my previous life is that I’m a mermaid. Will you be able to keep up?”

Bianca smirked in response to her confidence, her eyes, always so sad and distant, for once looked full of life and on fire - and they made Adore’s blood boil in her veins.

“I always loved a good challenge.”

__

_________________________

__   
  


Adore laughed breathlessly when she sat down, all wet after half an hour in the water. Bianca did the same, trembling once they were back to the beach after being so used to the temperature of the water; she took a towel for herself and placed it on her shoulders, trying to warm herself up a bit, then passed one to Adore so she could do the same. The other girl was shivering as well, rubbing the soft material on her skin - but she looked happy, and it was enough to warm Bianca completely. 

They had been playing for a while in the water, racing each other to see who would make it farther without stopping, then they even wrestled a bit, and Bianca had to admit that she hadn’t laughed so hard in months. Adore was a hoot, she noticed the smallest details in everything around her and found a way to bring them up in a light no one else would see them - it was what made Bianca fall for her in the first place. Adore could find poetry in a puddle, write an entire song about it and it would make perfect sense to everyone who was able to listen to her music. For someone that was blind to the beauty of the nature as Bianca was, it was refreshing, a way to see life in another light. 

“I beat you!”

“No you didn’t, you cheated. You grabbed my ankle to stop me so you could arrive first.”

“I still won. We didn’t have any rules to begin with.”

Adore was so proud of winning their little race, and yes, she cheated, Bianca didn’t have the heart to take her win away. She would probably say everything to make her happy in that moment, to give her a few peaceful days before going back to a useless routine, waiting for a life she didn’t remember anything of… waiting to go back to her, even if Adore didn’t know that.

Bianca rolled her eyes in response, and Adore giggled while rubbing the towel on her head for a while. 

“Well I’m glad you two had fun. I could hear the laughters from here.”

Courtney joined their conversation, with a satisfied smile on her face. Bianca knew that to her, it wasn’t just something personal: Adore was her best friend, so she was sure the blonde was happy to see her enjoying a little time off, but she was also probably nervous about the whole thing. After all, she placed her whole career on the line just to give them a few days together, and Bianca didn’t know if she would ever be able to repay her for that.

Adore nodded, leaving the towel on one of their chairs once she stopped shivering.

“It was so fun! Will you join us later? Or tomorrow, I mean, we still have all day tomorrow for that.”

Courtney nodded to her question, making Adore smile even more. It was almost like it was before the accident, and it was easy for Bianca to forget that the woman in front of her, while still being her wife on paper, was completely unaware of their relationship. She already caught herself thinking of kissing her, and she almost did it when they were playing, but thankfully Adore didn’t notice it.

“Can we take a walk now? I saw some pretty seashells, I would love to pick them up… can I take them back with me, miss Act?”

Courtney’s eyes softened, and she grabbed Adore’s hand for few seconds when she heard how insecure her voice was about the matter. It wasn’t surprising: for what Bianca knew, the rules in the facility were pretty strict, to the point no one believed possible for them to get Bob to say yes to their little trip. She even heard other nurses whispering about it, like it was some kind of historical moment.

“Of course, I’m sure no one will mind.”

Adore got up from her seat with a jump, that made both Bianca and Courtney laugh for a small bit. Then, Bianca got up as well: there was no way she was gonna leave her alone… and plus, collecting seashells was something they always did together, even if Adore didn’t remember it.

“Come on. We can compete and see who finds the most beautiful ones.”

__

The younger woman took her hand, humming happily for a few seconds. Bianca followed her, looking around for seashells that Adore would like while she left her side to go a little farther from her, picking up seashells and gathering them in one of her hands. Maybe they should’ve taken something to keep them all together, but Bianca was too distracted to think about it now. She kept glancing at Adore, smiling to herself: that view was so familiar… 

“How many do you have now?”

Adore’s voice reached her, making Bianca look down to her hands. She only had two seashells, both quite pretty, while the other one had at least ten of them. Adore, confused, walked towards her.

“Just two? I thought you were competitive.”

Bianca laughed, a little embarrassed. She shrugged, then; she didn’t see any problem in being honest and telling her what was really going on - to a certain degree, at least.

“I am, usually. I’m sorry, it’s just that my wife and I always take vacations here and she loves seashells as well. This” she pointed at the whole beach “Reminds me a lot of her.”

Usually, Adore would’ve jumped in and ask her immediately more about it, but this time she kinda looked hurt. Bianca was just confused by the pain in her eyes, while the younger woman looked at the seashell she gathered in her slim hands.

“Do you miss her?”

She asked then, with the tiniest voice Bianca ever heard her use. She wanted to hug her, but she knew it wasn’t appropriate, not in that moment. And still, she was way too confused by the sudden change to do anything.

“A bit. This is where we had our honeymoon, you know? We could afford going outside the country, but neither of us had the time. We married and then we both had just a week off before going back to work.”

Adore smiled. It was a cold smile, though, but she still held Bianca’s hand with the free one she had, and then proceeded to walk with her.

“How was it?”

__   
  


_ Past _

__   
  


“I can’t believe we’re going back tomorrow already.”

Adore said, pouting, her head resting on Bianca’s shoulder while they were walking. The water reached their feet from time to time, and since it was late, it wasn’t too cold for them to shiver when it happened - it was actually pleasant. Bianca tightened her grip on Adore’s waist, with a deep sigh; she was just as bitter as Adore was about it, but she knew they couldn’t take more time for themselves. There was so much to do back at home, between Adore’s album that needed to be worked on and Bianca’s clothing line that was almost ready to be presented, it was already a miracle they managed to get a week off after the wedding.

Bianca kissed Adore’s forehead, lingering with her lips on her wife’s skin for a little longer. 

“Me neither. It’s gone so fast… but don’t worry. As soon as we can, we’re gonna get a real vacation.”

Adore looked at her, rubbing her cheek against Bianca’s shoulder for a few seconds. The reality was that Bianca felt guilty for not being able to give her the honeymoon of their dreams; when she asked Adore to marry her, she was daydreaming of weeks away from the States, maybe in a tropical island where they could spend days in water and completely relax, leaving their lives behind for a while… and being unable to give her that, made Bianca almost embarrassed - and angry, but that wasn’t anything new.

“Oh? So you’re already planning our next vacation? Who are you?”

The younger one joked, poking Bianca’s hip until she gently slapped her hand - to which Adore reacted with a little yelp, making Bianca laugh a bit.

“Shut up. I don’t know, I just want to give you the whole fantasy, you now?”

Since Adore was looking at her confused, Bianca sighed a bit. They stopped walking, the breeze ruffling Adore’s hair more than it already was before.

“I mean, we had a beautiful wedding… and I wanted to have a wonderful honeymoon as well. You know, visiting foreign places, try weird food, things like that-”

“Bea, you’re too hard on yourself.”

Adore interrupted her, placing her hand on Bianca’s cheek with a soft smile. Bianca didn’t even realize she was getting nervous and frustrated at the idea of being unable to give Adore everything she could, until she looked in her eyes and she saw how happy they looked; she immediately felt more relaxed. Adore gave her a quick kiss on her lips, caressing her cheek.

“This honeymoon was wonderful - yes, short, but wonderful nevertheless. We’re married now, we have all the time in the world to travel and see new places together. I’m glad we even got a week alone, I was sure we were gonna have to head back as soon as the wedding was over.”

Bianca smiled; she knew the feeling. The first day of honeymoon she was almost afraid she’d receive a call from Raja, asking her to go back immediately for whatever reason. At least they managed to live an entire week without thinking about their usual life, which was more than Bianca could ask for after years without a vacation.

“I’m sorry. I always want more… and you remind me that I already have everything I could ask for.”

They hugged for a while, the beat of their hearts and the waves crashing against the land as the only sounds they could hear - until Adore decided to break the contact, then she grinned.

“I don’t want to think about the departure till tomorrow, okay? Let’s enjoy this last day!”

“And what did you have in mind, my little dove?”

Adore giggled at the pet name, giving her a quick kiss before she started running. It caught Bianca off guard, but just for few seconds before she decided to run after her wife, that was laughing few meters away from her. Adore always loved playing chasing each other, to the point where she would just tickle Bianca before running away to make her run after her, just for the fun of it - she admitted she liked to see Bianca so wild and different than the usual composed woman she was used to seeing, and that’s what made the older woman decide to indulge her in those games more often. After all, she liked the feeling of being wild and free, something she never thought about herself.

“You’re so fucking slow Bianca! What is it, you’re too old to catch me?”

Bianca let out an offended squeal, before trying to fasten her pace.

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that Delano.”

They ran around for a while, until Bianca managed to catch her - not the way she intended, though, because as soon as Adore felt her hands on her hips, she tried to break free. It just took one misstep to make her fall back, followed immediately by Bianca, who was still hanging on her dress and ended up falling on her; neither one of them were scared, though. They were both laughing, especially when Bianca decided to get her revenge by tickling Adore, who let out an high-pitched scream.

"No no no, stop! You know I’m sensitive!”

She begged, squirming under Bianca who was still laughing - but then she stopped, unable to do anything but to stare at her own wife. With her long, black hair spread on the sand, her green eyes full of life and her beautiful smile that was there just for her and only for her, Bianca felt as if she was in front of one of those representation of an angel she’d have seen when she was a child, holding her mother’s skirt and looking at the paintings in the church she had to attend every Sunday since they were the only pretty thing around. Adore made her feel much like that: the only good thing that actually picked her interest in a room full of people.

Adore’s laugh died as well, replaced by a knowing smile. It wasn’t a mystery that she could read Bianca better than anyone else, to the point she just needed to look at her to find out what was going through her mind. Bianca let out a sigh, while Adore placed her hand on one of her wife’s cheeks again, just like before, but this time she dragged her lower to kiss her - a longer, more intense kiss than before, that left both of them breathless.

“I don’t want to go back at the hotel…”

Adore murmured against Bianca’s lips, who sighed and bit her lower lip. The beach was empty, there was no one besides them.

“We don’t have to.”

__   
  


_ Present _

__   
  


“So… did you two have fun that night?”

During Bianca’s story, Adore seemed to start feeling better - or that’s what Bianca supposed, once the younger woman smirked at her and poking her hip with her index. Bianca felt her cheeks warming a little, but she managed to keep her usual facade - she even raised an eyebrow to look more annoyed, and answered her smirk with another one.

“I’m not gonna tell you about my sex life, you weirdo. You can watch porn if you need company.”

Adore laughed at her joke, but her eyes were a little sad again. It was a look Bianca had already seen in the past, when something was bothering her but she wanted to try to hide it… and this time, Bianca didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t afraid of asking, not at all, but since their relationship was very different from the one they had before, she was unsure Adore was gonna be completely honest with her.

She then decided to simply hold her hand, squeezing it gently; the sadness wasn’t completely gone, but Adore looked at their hands and smiled, a much more honest smile than her first laugh.

“Let’s go. Maybe we can convince Courtney to go out for drinks tonight. What do you say?”

Adore squealed, clearly yearning for something similar, something that would make her feel normal again. After all, Bianca was sure she didn’t have any occasion to feel like an ordinary person in the facility, and since they were finally out together, why wouldn’t she try to get them more?

“You’re the best, Bea!”

__   
  


___________________________

__   
  


Maybe going out wasn’t a really good idea, Bianca thought when both her and Courtney were trying to get Adore in bed. She didn’t drink too much, but apparently what she had was enough to make her stumble on her own feet, while giggling like an idiot. Bianca was confused: Adore was a heavy drinker when she met her, then why all of a sudden she couldn’t take a few drinks? 

On the other hand, Courtney was confused as well. She had accepted their proposition, saying that a drink wouldn’t have killed her since she was perfectly fine except for the memory loss, but now she was getting worried - Bianca could see it in her eyes, and in the wrinkles that were now showing up on her forehead since she was frowning very hard. 

“Okay, we’re almost there.”

Courtney said, while standing in front of their room and trying to find her keys. Bianca sighed, trying to keep Adore still while the younger woman was still laughing and she decided to hug Bianca as tight as possible.

“You smell soooo good.”

She mumbled, rubbing her nose in Bianca’s hair - who laughed a little at the action, while patting gently at the hip she was holding. It was funny to see her in that light, and a relief: the sad vibe she was sending before, when they were on the beach, was definitely gone - during their night out Adore was nothing but excited, she wanted to see everything, she asked to take a sip of both their drinks, and she even wanted to dance both with Bianca and Courtney. When she went to the bathroom, both of them agreed that going out that night was the best idea they could have come up with. Adore looked even healthier than before… until she suddenly couldn’t even walk straight, and while it was funny to see her rambling about any possible thing, Bianca couldn’t help but worry a little.

"Thank you, I shower.”

Adore laughed way too hard, holding on her even more. Bianca could see Courtney rolling her eyes with a smile at her joke, then she finally opened the door and they could lead Adore inside, who decided to protest a bit.

“I can walk, I’m not that-- ouch!”

She didn’t even finish her sentence before she stumbled on her bed, to which she clearly didn’t pay attention to while she tried to walk in her room. Adore groaned, giving light punches to the mattress, and Bianca chuckled while she helped her to sit down.

“What were you saying?”

“Shut up.”

Adore groaned again, and this time she gave Bianca a little punch on her arm - but she didn’t react, just helping her taking off her shoes. Courtney vanished in the bathroom for a few minutes, then she came out with makeup wipes, to help Bianca get Adore ready for bed.

“I don’t need your help…”

Adore mumbled, while Courtney was busy gently wiping the makeup off her eyes and Bianca was looking for her pajamas. Bianca flashed her a smile once she saw that she was pouting: knowing Adore, she probably wanted to get ready on her own and didn’t want to admit she was having a hard time - she was as stubborn as a donkey when she wanted. She caressed her hair, then, trying to calm her down.

“You’re drunk, sweetheart. Let us take care of you, alright? After all, Courtney is your nurse, she’s used to wiping asses as well-”

“There’s no need to bring that up.”

The blonde complained, but the little exchange made Adore giggle a bit and lose her pout. She nodded, then, letting them take off her clothes - something that Bianca let Courtney do, since it would’ve been too awkward for her - and once she was ready, they helped her to tuck into bed.

When they were sure Adore was comfortable, they both changed as well and they went to bed as well; the night had been fun and everything, but if they wanted to get up early in the morning to go to the beach again, they definitely needed to rest.

Half an hour has passed since they switched off the lights; Bianca could hear Courtney’s breath getting heavier, a sign that meant she was already asleep… and to her surprise, she couldn’t hear Adore snoring as her usual. She was used to have difficulties sleeping, and that usually meant she had to listen to the little concert her wife played only for her every night, but this time around she couldn’t hear any sound coming from Adore’s bed… she was already wondering if there was a possibility that the memory loss could affect that side of her as well, before she felt the sheets being lifted up and a warm body against hers. She didn’t react at first; she knew the perfume she could smell few seconds later, and she was definitely surprised by that. After the surprise, worry was her first feeling, which made her turn around to face Adore and ask her what was wrong. 

She was met with a pair of sad eyes, which made her immediately hold the younger one a little closer without even thinking about it.

“What’s wrong? You’re not feeling well?”

She asked her, with a low voice not to wake Courtney up. Adore sobbed a little, hugging her tight and hiding her face against Bianca’s chest. She immediately stroked her hair, asking herself if she needed to wake up Courtney after all; whatever it was, it looked pretty serious. Adore didn’t talk for a while, then her voice came out shaky and full of fear.

“You’re not gonna leave me, right? You’re not gonna go back to her wife and never come back to visit me once this weekend is over, promise me.”

Bianca’s breath was shaky; she wanted nothing more but to scream her the truth, because Adore was clearly hurt and scared in that moment, and she promised her she would’ve never felt like that once they were married. She looked at Courtney’s figure in the dark for few seconds, before lowering her face to look at Adore, who was now looking back at her. She bit her lips: she had to trust the doctors… even if she didn’t want to. What kind of damage would telling her the truth make?

Her mind was divided on this. A part of her thought nothing could be worse than what already was going on, and another one was whispering viciously that oh it could’ve been worse and she didn’t really want to find out. In the end, she decided to keep the things as they were, even if it broke her heart all over again.

“Of course not. I care about you, a lot. I would never leave you.”

Her voice was sincere while she tried to swallow the desperation in it, and apparently it worked: Adore smiled, swiping off a few tears from her eyes… and kissed her.

It was nothing more than their lips pressed together, but it was enough for Bianca to freeze on the spot. She didn’t know how to react: her heart wanted nothing more than to kiss her back, hold her even closer, but her mind wasn’t on the same track. That was right, but not in the way she wanted. There was no possible way any doctor would agree on Adore kissing her wife in that state… but Adore didn’t go crazy. She looked at her, confused and terrified, definitely less drunk than she looked before; Bianca’s heart sinked at the thought that she probably was thinking she did something wrong, and then she acted without thinking about it twice. She cupped Adore’s face, kissed her lips once again - she could hear the surprised squeal coming from her mouth, easily dead once both of them were too busy to kiss to think about anything else.

It was just like she remembered it; Adore was always an hungry kisser, she wanted to have and taste more, it was something that had always made Bianca’s knees weak.. but this time she wasn’t gonna let her go beyond it. While every part of her craved Adore so much she could feel the fire in her growing stronger, just as much as the need to touch her everywhere, it wasn’t the right thing to do. She had already done too much with the kiss, she didn’t want to completely fuck up the situation… and she even found herself hoping that Adore would forget everything about that night. 

That was the only solution, since the kiss didn’t seem to give her back any memory. Adore looked happy, but still oblivious… and as much as Bianca didn’t want to be hurt by that, because it was no one’s fault she wasn’t remembering her, it was still a dagger in her heart knowing that her own wife, who just kissed her, didn’t remember a thing about the years they had spent together. Didn’t she feel there was more to them than a shaky friendship growing only between the walls of what was basically an hospital? Couldn’t she feel it? It was way too frustrating to linger on the thought, but she couldn’t help it.

In fact, once Adore whispered her goodnight and she fell asleep against Bianca’s chest, the older woman couldn’t stop thinking about it: she wasn’t gonna be able to get any kind of sleep now, she was sure. Looking down on Adore, who was now sleeping calmly, she knew she was screwed. 

That was going to get more painful than that.

__   
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hello! First of all, I'm sorry it took so long - but between the holydays, work and a very annoying writer's block, it was difficult to pull it off. I still hope you guys will like it, and thank you for waiting! Xoxo

When Courtney woke up that day, she immediately knew something 

. Adore was still sleeping, but she was in Bianca’s bed - and the other woman was nowhere to be found, at least not when she glanced around the room for the first time. She yawned, getting up from the bed and stretching her arms for a few seconds, her eyes on Adore’s peaceful face while she was sleeping. It was odd that she was in Bianca’s bed: as much as the two of them were growing close once again, that was a bold move. She couldn’t imagine the older woman letting her wife so close when she was so vulnerable… but Courtney decided not to overthink it, at least not until she talked to Bianca - 

she could see, now, on the balcony. She was probably smoking, and the thought made Courtney’s nose wrinkle a bit: there were very few occasions in which Bianca would smoke

too much work, her parents calling, or she fucked up something. Considering the woman in her bed, it was probably the latter. Courtney sighed, then walked over to the balcony and joined her friend. 

 

“Morning.”

 

Bianca didn’t answer, tapping the cigarette on the railing of the balcony to get the ashes off of it. 

 

“You know, I think we have an ashtray inside.”

 

“I know.”

 

, the older woman made no movement to go inside and get it. She was still in her pajamas, her hair was all messy 

the first thing she did when she woke up was going out to smoke. Courtney leaned on the wall, remaining silent for a while; even if they weren’t talking, she could feel how nervous she was just by looking at her.  

It was never easy to make Bianca talk when something was bothering her; the woman saw any kind of empathy as pity, and she would shut down any kind of help if she sensed that in anyone’s words or actions. Courtney had to be careful if she wanted to hear what happened.

 

“So, Adore’s in your bed.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Has she been there the whole night or…?”

 

“She couldn’t sleep, so she asked to sleep with me.”

 

They remained silent again, mostly because Bianca’s answers were sharp and directed. Courtney didn’t want to poke her too much: she hoped that she would open by herself, and tell her what actually happened. She looked very close to Adore now, yes, but sleeping in the same bed was way too much than anything they have had since they started 

again.

Luckily, letting Bianca think for a while was exactly what was needed. The older woman sighed, then threw away the cigarette once it was finished. 

 

“She kissed me.”

 

“She did what?!”

 

Bianca glared at her when Courtney raised her voice, scared that Adore was gonna hear them. Courtney, still trying to process what she just heard, wasn’t really in the mood to let the other one treat her like a child who was misbehaving. Her mind was way too busy trying to understand if that meant that Adore actually remembered something, and if that was the case why didn’t Bianca wake her up - after all, she was her nurse, she needed to know as much as possible about her condition. 

 

“She came up to me because she couldn’t sleep and then she asked me to promise her I won’t stop visiting her… and then she kissed me. I don’t know what started all of that.”

 

“Does she remember anything? Did the kiss help?”

 

Bianca shook her head, another sigh even deeper than the first one. 

was written all over her face: maybe it was too romantic to think a kiss would fix everything, but even Courtney wanted to believe so, at least a little. She put her hand on Bianca’s shoulder, with a soft smile.

 

“That doesn’t mean she won’t remember you, B. We just have to be patient.”

 

“I can be patient, it’s not that that I’m worried about- what’s gonna happen now? What if she remembers about the kiss and wants to talk about it? What if she--”

 

Courtney’s hand tightened its grip on Bianca’s shoulder; that was a glimpse into what she was really thinking, the irrational fear she would never normally let out. Just a few people were allowed to see that, in very rare occasions - Courtney, being one of those people, knew already that all Bianca needed were facts that nothing was gonna go bad. False hopes or a pep talk were never enough for her.

 

“I will talk to her when she wakes up and see if she actually remembers,

she looked really drunk last night.”

 

“But what if-”

 

“No more what ifs! Until we actually know what she remembers I don’t want you to think about this anymore, it’s just making you panic. Now get dressed, go out- maybe take a walk, do something that will keep your mind off of this. I will handle her.”

 

Bianca was still clearly shocked, Courtney could see her brain still working in her head, so she decided to shake her a little, her eyes never left Bianca’s. It was like dealing with an animal: she had to make the other one see that she meant what she just said and that she wasn’t gonna retreat if Bianca didn’t want it. 

After a few seconds, Bianca finally gave up. She sighed and then nodded, and even if she didn’t look too convinced about what Courtney told her, the blonde knew she was gonna at least try. 

 

“Alright, I’ll go out. Just… don’t jump on her when she wakes up.”

 

“I know how to handle her, don’t worry. After all, I helped her mother changing her diapers.”

 

Bianca managed to smile at her joke, and even if it lasted less than a second, Courtney still counted it as a victory.

  
  


__________________________________

  
  
  


Adore couldn’t recall the last time she felt her head so heavy, but she was sure it was something she already felt in the past a hundred of times. Something 

her it could be 

worse, but besides that she could just sit on the bed, groaning and stretching her legs without any other side effect.

For a while, the only thing she could focus on was her head spinning, but once she managed to open her eyes and she saw Courtney brushing her hair in the bathroom, with the door open, her mind immediately remembered the night before, and her heart started 

so fast she could feel it in her throat. 

She remembered getting into Bianca’s bed, asking her to promise to stay with her and then kissing her. She remembered the sweet taste of her lips with an aftertaste of wine, the way she kissed her back and how right it felt. 

But it wasn’t right. Bianca was married, she clearly loved her wife… and she had fucked up, really fucked up. If there was something Adore was sure about herself, it was the fact that she would never be that kind of person that would destroy a family because of her feelings. And yet, there she was

he liked Bianca, clearly more than a friend, she wanted her all to herself… but the shadow of Danielle was there, always, in the ring Bianca never took off. Adore felt guilty every time her eyes would casually land on it; she didn’t want to destroy a marriage, but it was difficult to focus on it when Bianca would smile at her, or say something so sweet she found herself giggling like an idiot.

 

“Finally, Sleeping Beauty raised from the dead.”

 

Courtney’s voice snapped her out from every thought Adore was having; she looked at the nurse, who was smiling at her, unaware of the battle that she was having with herself. 

 

“Where’s Bianca?”

 

She found herself asking without even thinking about it - it was just natural 

for her, like the older woman was always in the back of her mind. Courtney shrugged a bit, exiting the bathroom to get her make up; it was still something Adore wasn’t used to, since she never wore it during work - it probably wasn’t allowed, and it took her by surprise how good Courtney was with it.

 

“She told me she wanted to take a walk before all the tourists decided to go to the beach. I suppose she wanted to be alone for a while.”

 

Adore’s stomach twisted at the thought: Bianca was probably upset about the night before. And maybe she was on the phone with her wife right in that moment, talking about the little brat that kissed her and how terrible she felt about it and that she would never go back to visit her… Adore felt the tears trying to find their way on her cheeks just thinking about it. She couldn’t really blame Bianca if that was her decision, but she didn’t want to lose the only light in her life just because she couldn’t be happy just with being her friend. But her heart couldn’t just wait for Bianca to grow bored of her and just go back at her usual life: she wanted her. She craved the sweet smiles, the hugs, everything - and she wanted Bianca to look at her as if she was her entire world. She 

to be her entire world, just like Bianca was hers.

Courtney probably noticed how anxious she was, because she stared at her from the mirror and then placed the eyeliner back into her purse. She then sat next to Adore, on the bed, a hand already reaching for the younger’s one. 

 

“Is everything alright?”

 

“Yeah! Yeah, sure…”

 

Adore smiled as convincing as she could, although her voice was small and scared. She couldn’t stop thinking about Bianca and what she was doing in that exact moment, and every possibility that came to her mind ended up with Adore’s heart broken in a thousands of pieces. 

 

“I was just wondering, like… how is it possible that Bianca’s wife has let her come to this vacation? I mean, she doesn’t know us, I don’t know how I would react in her place—“

 

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I know her wife since we were kids, actually.” 

 

Courtney smiled while looking at her and Adore knew she probably looked dumb, with her mouth wide open while staring at the other one. That was… unexpected to say the least.

 

“Wha-? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I didn’t think it was important. After all, Danielle never comes by and-“

 

“Bianca and I always talk about her. You could’ve said something!” 

 

Adore pouted, even though she wasn’t really mad at her nurse for that. Still, it would’ve been nice 

out that the only person she could talk to actually knew Bianca’s wife - and since they were childhood friends, Adore knew she couldn’t say anything bad about her. And she needed to vent, but to who? Surely not Courtney.

 

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t think you would care.”

 

Adore’s expression softened. Since Bianca started visiting her, she only focused on her and her chats with Courtney had been less and less. She felt guilty; after all, the blonde had been the only person she felt she could rely on 

the facility for a long time before Bianca showed up. 

 

“Courm, of course I’d care… we’re friends, right?”

 

“I-“

 

“Cut the ‘it’s not professional’ crap! I don’t care if you’re my nurse, I know I can trust you and you can do the same.”

 

Courtney smiled, the warmest smile Adore had ever seen on her lips. It was sweet like honey and so genuine, as if she finally decided to drop the facade of the nurse to let her see her real face.

 

“It was very sweet of you to say. Well then, now you found out about my friendship with Danielle. Is there something you want to know?”

 

Adore bit her lip, silent for a few seconds. That was her opportunity to learn more about her ‘rival’, even if she didn’t want to think about her in those terms… after all, Danielle was Bianca’s wife, while Adore was just a random girl that had a terrible crush on her. There wasn’t a real rivalry, and the fact that Bianca kissed her back didn’t mean anything. She probably didn’t want to upset her. Still, the curiosity got the best of her. 

 

“I don’t know- for how long have they been together?”

 

“A lot. So much that it almost feels as if they’ve been together forever.”

 

Adore sighed; she knew whatever was gonna come out from Courtney’s mouth was gonna be a stab in her heart, but that didn’t stop her need of knowing more, a need so strong she found herself speaking again without thinking about it. 

 

“Well, you have to remember when that actually happened, right?”

 

Courtney nodded. 

  
_Past_

 

It was a lazy afternoon at Bonnie’s place, in Azusa. It was summer, so the heat was unbearable unless you decided to spend the whole time in a bikini, which was something both Adore and Courtney were used to 

, since they used to live there. Even now that they were both adults, living their best lives in Los Angeles, they found a way to pay a visit to their parents, who still lived next to each other. It was an unspoken promise: even if 

weeks of silence between them because of work or anything else, they would always make it to their little vacation at home. 

They were in Bonnie’s garden, relaxing after what had been a crazy year for 

: Courtney had just started working as a nurse and adapting to the crazy 

wasn’t easy, and in the meantime Adore had to work nonstop on the album she was trying to produce, after years of trying to find someone that was actually interested in her music. Both were hoping that week would help them relax, finally, but while Courtney had no problem on doing so, she could see on Adore’s face a weird look. She had been checking her phone since they had arrived, chewing her nails in the meantime, and now Courtney wanted to know what was that about. 

 

“You’ve been staring at your phone for hours. What’s the problem? Are you waiting for a new song or…?”

 

Adore looked up at her as if she was lost, blinking a few times. 

 

“Wha?”

 

“Your phone. You’ve been looking at it all day. What’s up?”

 

And then something happened. Something Courtney hadn’t witnessed a lot of times, because Adore was shameless and there was very little that could make her uncomfortable.

She blushed. Her cheeks became red very fast, so fast it surprised the blonde and put a smirk on her face. 

 

“Come on, spill it!”

 

“It’s nothing, just-”

 

“Who is she? Let me see!”

 

She tried to look at Adore’s screen, but the girl quickly hid it against her chest with a small giggle escaping her mouth. 

 

“Stop! I’m not letting you read the conversation.”

 

“Is it because it’s dirty?”

 

“No!”

 

They laughed together for a while, but once they calmed down, Adore’s smile was still there, sweet as ever. Whoever that person was, there was clearly something going on.

 

“Her name’s Bianca. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months now… she’s really sweet.”

 

“And how is that this is the first time I hear about her? You usually talk about your crush to everyone.”

 

Adore bit her lip; it was so unusual, seeing her so flustered and almost scared. The usual Adore would wear her heart on her sleeve, always ready to fall in love, to feel all the emotions with an intensity that would make whoever was the target of her feelings 

scared … but this time around it wasn’t like that.

 

“I dunno… I really, really like her. But she’s so mature, and I don’t wanna scare her off…”

 

She said, with the most insecure voice she ever used. Courtney couldn’t help herself and grabbed one of her hands, with a soft smile: if she was so worried about that, it meant that she really cared about this Bianca… but the blonde wasn’t really convinced by what she was saying.

 

“Honey, if you two have been dating for a while I’m sure she knows 

you are - why would she date you if she didn’t like you? I’m sure you’re worrying too much.”

 

All of a sudden, Adore’s eyes filled with tears, a soft sob escaping her mouth. Courtney immediately reached her, sitting next to the other girl so she could hug her, surprised by the sudden reaction: why would she cry, did she say something wrong? 

 

“Hey, hey what’s going on? Adore, sweetie, there’s no need to--”

 

“I think I love her, Courm. Here, I said it… and I- I’m so scared because she wants to take things slowly but everytime we’re together and she laughs - oh you should hear her laughs, it’s so high pitched and cute, she sounds like a dolphin - or 

or even when she scolds me because I didn’t do the laundry, I just wanna tell her how much I love her. And it’s so painful hiding it, I don’t know for how long I will be able to keep up with this…”

 

Courtney let her talk, stroking her hair with affection. It was a strange sight, seeing Adore so scared of something she would always do. There hadn’t been a single time in which she wouldn’t embrace her feelings, and Courtney didn’t know what to do with this new, fragile version of her friend. What could she tell her that would make her feel better? Courtney didn’t know Bianca, she didn’t know if she could trust her with Adore’s heart in her hands… but if suppressing her feelings was hurting her so much, maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe it was better discussing it now, instead of letting it grow in silence in her heart. 

 

“Dorey… maybe you should tell her, don’t you think? It’s eating you up, hiding it isn’t doing you any good…”

 

Adore sobbed, her face hidden against Courtney’s shoulder. She looked so tiny in her embrace, and to think she was taller than her 

… it had been a while since Courtney actually felt so much the need to protect her from getting hurt.

 

“But what if- what if she leaves me?”

 

“Then she’s an idiot.”

 

“Hey--!”

 

Courtney stopped her before she could continue; she cupped Adore’s face with her hands, wiping the tears off with her fingers while pointing her eyes in her friends’, in all seriousness. She couldn’t stand seeing her so terrified of something so beautiful. 

 

“Listen. You didn’t start dating yesterday, no? I think it’s time to be honest with her. You’re not asking her to love you back, you’re just telling her how she makes you feel. And if she runs away for this, well, her loss. You’re a great person and she should be honored of being loved by you. If she can’t see it, she

he right one.”

 

Adore sniffed, her shoulders still trembling, but the storm in her eyes was calming down - enough for Courtney to smile softly and give her a sweet kiss on the cheek.

 

“But again, dear, if you two have been dating for a while and she didn’t run away when she saw that you hide Cheetos everywhere, I highly doubt she will do it now.”

 

Finally, Adore let out a smile and gave her a light punch on the arm.

 

“Hey!”

 

“I mean, I found them in the bathroom! Who hides food in the bathroom?!”

 

Courtney’s horrified face made Adore laugh harder, even if she was getting red again; the blonde one was happy to see her finally let out of her worries, at least for a while. What Adore didn’t know, was that Courtney was ready to kill this Bianca if she took away her smile in any kind of way.

 

“It was one time, you bitch!”

  
_Present_   
  
  


When Courtney finished talking, Adore stayed silent for a while. They were both sitting on Bianca’s bed at that point, and even if she wanted nothing more than to cry just like Danielle did in the little story the blonde 

told her, she tried to hold the tears back. She couldn’t possibly think of trying to seduce Bianca, not when her wife was someone that sounded so sweet and kind… and she hated her for that. She hated her because it would’ve been easier either not knowing about her or finding out she was a bad person, because then she could justify herself and say that she just wanted to save Bianca from a bad life - but it wasn’t the case. Bianca loved Danielle, Danielle loved her, why would she even try and tear their happy life apart?

 

“When was this?”

 

“Oh, years ago. I met Bianca a few weeks after we both went back to Los Angeles, and thankfully I found out that she was just as in love with Danielle as she was with her.”

 

Adore let out a shaky sigh, looking down to her feet to avoid Courtney’s eyes; she wasn’t sure she could keep up the facade, especially now that she knew even her nurse was close to Bianca’s wife. That was a battle she couldn’t win in any way; she had to stop. She had to forget about the butterflies in her stomach everytime Bianca was kind to her and just see her as a friend. Maybe she should ask her to stop visiting.. but just the thought of not having her around anymore, going back to how life was just a few weeks before she showed up, was enough for her to feel sick. She wasn’t strong enough or selfless enough to tell Bianca to stay away from her. She wanted her, she wanted to see her everyday, even just to bathe a little in the light she managed to bring in Adore’s life. 

 

“I’m glad it all worked out…”

 

She managed to say in a low voice. There was nothing she could do at that point, she just had to move on… and she hoped Bianca would stay out a while more, so that she could find a way to gather up the courage to apologize for the night before and then maybe they would be able to go back to being just friends. 

 

“It doesn’t sound like it.”

 

Courtney’s voice startled her, but it was only for a few seconds; as soon as she saw the inquisitive look on the blonde’s face, Adore gave her the best smile she could paint on her face with the thorns piercing her heart, hoping it was enough to erase any suspicion in her. 

 

“I’m just hungover. And hungry, I’m always mad when I’m hungry- we should go out and eat something!”

 

She raised her voice while suddenly standing up and running to the bathroom to get ready. That was a good excuse, she thought, and after all they could easily forget about that whole conversation in front of breakfast. She could hear Courtney getting up from the bed, and she managed to see how confused she looked before shutting the door up. 

 

“Feel free to go ahead and not wait up for me!”

 

She added before switching on the water in the shower; she could really use a little time completely alone, since she had never really been alone for months. 

 

“No way I’m leaving you. I’m your nurse, don’t forget it.”

 

Adore cursed under her breath, but didn’t answer

raise any more suspicion 

the other one: she had hoped Courtney would leave her so she could have more time to find a way back to her usual bubbly self, but apparently she had half an hour at best - she couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever, after all. 

She had just started undressing, when Courtney’s voice reached her once again.

 

“I should call Bianca, so she can have breakfast with--.”

 

“No!”

 

She screamed, slamming the door open even if she was already half naked - startling poor Courtney, who was still reaching for the phone. 

They looked at each other for a while, before Adore was able to find her voice back again. She was panicking, but she couldn’t let Courtney see it - how was she gonna explain it otherwise? She wasn’t ready to see Bianca, she needed a while to come up with a good speech to give her, she didn’t want to rush things. 

She cleared her throat. 

 

“Let her have her alone time. After all, she’s been babysitting me all day yesterday… she deserves a little break, no?”

 

Courtney still didn’t look completely convinced, so Adore decided to use the last card she had; she grinned. 

 

“It’s your time to babysit me. Isn’t it your job? Come on, you had a free day yesterday.”

 

Courtney laughed and put the phone back, and Adore mentally sighed

she was safe, for now. 

 

“Oh you’re gonna regret saying this, but okay. Come on, back into the shower; we don’t have all day.”

  
  
  


___________________________

  
  
  


Bianca was gone for almost all morning; Courtney had texted her while they were out for breakfast, and told Adore she had met one of her friends so she wanted to catch up for a while. For once, her absence brought only relief to Adore: she still didn’t know how she would face the other woman - what to say, what to do, and while they were eating she found herself more interested in focusing on her food than actually come up with a speech. She was stalling; just the thought of dealing with the consequences of her actions of the night before was scary, to the point her brain refused to let her go there. She knew she couldn’t keep up with that, not when Bianca was gonna come back at some point during the day… but she thought that at least while having breakfast, she could enjoy the meal and nothing else. After all, she was still on vacation. 

After breakfast, Courtney suggested they went shopping

dore accepted, mostly because she was thinking

finding a gift for Bianca to apologize for her behavior. It wasn’t easy, mostly because she didn’t know what Bianca would like - she surely couldn’t buy her clothes, not when the older woman worked in that field, there was no way she could find one that would actually satisfy her taste - and in the end Courtney’s enthusiasm about their morning trip was enough to make her forget about it. She enjoyed trying clothes on, and even if in the end she didn’t buy anything, it was still funny to do something so normal after months of nothing but visits. 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want those glasses?”

 

Courtney asked for the tenth time when she was paying for the clothes she decided to buy. Adore smiled at her, finally being able to do it without striving to look happy, then nodded. She didn’t want Courtney to pay for her things, she was already doing way too much by being with her all the time, when she surely had better things to do - friends, maybe a boyfriend or a girlfriend. 

 

“I’m good, don’t worry about me.”

 

“There you are.”

 

The low, familiar voice made Adore freeze on the spot; Bianca caught up with them, waiting for Courtney to finish paying, and looking right at her. She wasn’t ready to face what was probably wrath, maybe disappointment… but she didn’t see any of that in her blue eyes. She couldn’t quite understand what was in them, but Bianca even smiled and she relaxed a bit, managing to saying hi without sounding too scared. 

 

“I didn’t know you’d meet us here.”

 

“Didn’t Courtney tell you? I was nearby. Instead of waiting for you two at the hotel for lunch I thought I might as well come here and judge Courtney’s new clothes.”

 

Adore giggled when Courtney snorted at the snarky comment; it was difficult remaining scared when Bianca sounded so calm and relaxed, like nothing happened at all between them. She almost hoped that the older one didn’t remember the kiss, but Adore didn’t think she was that lucky. Maybe she was only faking in front of Courtney… it was in that moment that she decided she had to do something. She didn’t want to be afraid anymore, because surely rejection was better than not knowing how Bianca felt about the night before - at least it was an answer, and she wouldn’t have to wonder anymore. 

She managed to keep it together while they went back to the hotel, clinging on Courtney’s arm - a strange thing to do for her, since she was usually all over Bianca, but neither one of them pointed it out, much to her relief. 

Adore wanted to wait till they were done with lunch, but as soon as they sat down and she looked at Bianca, who was typing something on her phone, she knew she couldn’t wait a minute longer. She wasn’t even hungry, but she suspected it was because of how anxious she was - another reason why she poked Bianca’s hand, with a nervous smile that appeared on her face as soon as the other woman glanced at her with a questioning look on her face.

 

“Can we talk for a second?”

 

“Sure.”

 

No question, no weird look - just a nod. Bianca probably knew what was going on, and this threw Adore back into that part of her brain that was panicking - but she took a deep breath, getting up from her chair and following Bianca, who was already getting out of the dining room of the hotel. 

She didn’t walk too much, just enough for them to be away from the other guests, then she stopped and looked at Adore, waiting for her. Adore took a deep breath, closing her eyes: she wasn’t able to look at Bianca and think at the same time, at least not in that moment, when she was divided by the need of running away and kissing her, both just as strong. She didn’t have a speech ready, but she was confident that listening to her heart was what she had to do to make things right.

 

“Listen, about last night…”

 

“I’ll stop you right there, Adore. You don’t have to apologize.”

 

Adore’s mouth was wide open at that point, and Bianca smiled briefly at the sight before she decided to continue - to which Adore was grateful, because her mind was suddenly blank.

 

“You were drunk, clearly emotional and things like that can happen. I’m the one that should apologize, actually…”

 

It was weird. Bianca wasn’t mad at her, so Adore should’ve felt relieved and happy… but why were the thorns in her heart back, piercing it even more than before? Her smile faltered, unsure on how to answer to that. 

A part of her wanted to yell that no, she wasn’t emotional, she had been feeling like that about Bianca for a while now - but then she remembered how Courtney talked fondly of Danielle, how much love Bianca had in her voice whenever she talked about her wife, and she couldn’t do that. Not to her, the only person that managed to bring colors in her life.

 

“You were just trying to be nice, don’t apologize. I was worried you were gonna be mad, I really care about you and our friendship is really important to me.”

 

There was something off in Bianca’s smile, but Adore didn’t think too much of it. She was too worried about her own heart, scared that she would end up bursting into tears right in front of the other woman… but nothing happened. The pain was there, but it was bittersweet; after all, Bianca was still at her side. 

Bianca took her hands and held them tight for a while - it was warm, almost too warm for Adore, who at that point needed a little bit of space. Still, she didn’t break the contact. 

 

“I’m glad you feel like that. But you don’t have to worry, I’ll always be there, okay? Now, let’s go back to the table before Courtney thinks we’re dead.”

 

Adore giggled and nodded at her words. That 

the conversation - but she didn’t want to alarm Bianca, who, for some reason, looked like she just wanted to get over with it, even if she never stopped smiling at her. Maybe it was still too soon, maybe she was still thinking about it - and yet she told Adore not to worry about her actions, that everything was fine. What should she believe, her actions or her words?

Bianca went back to the table and while Adore followed her, she couldn’t help but thinking that it looked a lot like something was ending. If that was a good sign or bad, she couldn’t tell.

 

 


End file.
